Four and Six
by Paper Sentiments
Summary: After two months of waiting, Tris finds that Four finally returns from a "secret mission". Uncertain of their relationship, they proceed on like a couple but have a hard time admitting to it. I've never been good at summaries sorry just read it. Please R&R!
1. I'm waiting

Well, I'm a Dauntless. And a tattoo artist. And I'm still barely stretching past five feet, two inches but at least my hair is longer and easier to wrap in a bun.

It's been a little less than a year since my initiation into Dauntless, and even longer since my last encounter with my old faction. Susan and Robert have slowly become faceless over time, and sometimes it's even takes a tiny bit of effort to recall if Caleb had a long nose like mine or one perfectly shaped like my mother's. There were some opportunities in the last couple months to see my family, like the city's winter festivities, but I was kept back by the little guard jobs Eric assigned me.

Sure, I missed my family. I guess that would be considered betrayal to the whole "faction before blood" thing but I don't care. I even hope that my parents will still visit me on the next Visiting Day. My chances are slim however, with the whole anti-Abnegation stigma floating in the air. I've been able to win over it because my success at initiation erased most of the prejudice around me, but it's only getting stickier in the Abnegation quarters.

I'm absently flipping through a tattoo example book when Iris, one of my coworkers at the tattoo parlor, looks over at me. "**Hey, you're shift is over.**"

My eyes shoot up to the clock. It's four. "**Oh yeah,**" I say shrugging. It wasn't a busy day, so really my shift could've ended a while ago. I pick up my needles and begin carefully wiping off ink with a musty rag when a familiar voice breaks the silence.

"**Tris!**" I hear Christina shout in the distance. Of course, Will follows quickly behind her. "**Tris!**" she shouts again, waving frantically as she almost reaches the shop. I smile at their silliness, and stifle a laugh when they breathlessly burst through the doors. "**Tris, I have the greatest news to tell you**."

I raise my eyebrows in question and ask, "**What is it?**"

"**I just beat the shit out of Molly's nose**," she says, grinning. "**And I managed to kick Peter in the nuts.**"

"**Why?**"

"**Because she was talking Erudite trash about your dad again,**" Will responds grimly. "**It was a real show though. I think everyone's tired of hearing her because no one bothered to stop Christina from jumping at her.**"

"**Someone needed to shut her up**," adds Christina, rubbing her knuckles gleefully. Traces of blood coat her fingers. "**She and Peter have been at it non-stop for weeks now. It's a surprise I haven't stabbed one of _them_ in the eye yet.**" She sighs and shakes her head.

I grin too. Even though I want to burst into laughing, I guess I'm obliged to feel at least a little sorry for Molly.

We walk into the dining hall together where the rest of the faction is and get ready to eat. I grab a piece of toast and a carton of milk and find a place to sit among the initiates I trained with last year. Before I start eating however, the doors swing open and I see Peter walking stiffly into the room with Molly, whose face is covered in bandages. I suppress a guilty smirk and look across the table. Christina is smiling cutely as Will wraps his arm around her and pulls her in closer.

"**Get a room!**" Zeke teases two spots away. Uriah sits laughing next to me while Lynn and some other initiates dine, amused.

"**Hey!**" Christina grins maliciously at Zeke, "**I'll mess you up.**"

While those two go at it (with Will joining in every now and then), I can't help but think of a time when a certain someone held me like that. A twinge of jealousy makes my stomach feel slightly acidic and I try to swallow down the piece of toast with a gulp of milk. I haven't seen that certain someone in a while.

And yet as that last thought finishes, a person across the room catches my eye. My body stops. Is that—

"**Oh, Four is back!**" Uriah exclaims. The table cheers and claps, attracting the attention of the whole place, but I can't seem to help but stay frozen. Four is back.

Did I mention that I've had a slight crush on Four since initiation? We never dated but I _feel_ like we were for a while. Until he had to leave. He's been gone on some sort of mission issued by Eric for what feels like years.

My heart skips a beat. I didn't notice him walk into the dining hall, but I can definitely confirm that's him by the broad shoulders and the length of his hair. He glances at me with toast hanging in his mouth, then quickly turns away and sits down. I avert my stare too and start eyeing at the remainder of my second slice of toast, tearing it to pieces little by little. Maybe he doesn't want to see me.

I look up again and find Will smothering his face in Christina's hair. I don't know whether to feel happy or jealous towards them, and the conflict feels awkward in my chest. But everyone else is smiling and having fun, so I guess I get sucked into the laughter. I'm almost through with my toast when I hear a stern voice behind me.

"**Tris.**"

I jump at the sound, and my head suddenly feels light and airy. I stop fiddling with the toast and drop it all together on the plate before turning around. "**What?**" I ask, as if I just saw him recently. But I didn't. I haven't seen Four for two months, and now here he is, casually before me in a black shirt and a pair of loose-fitted dark jeans.

He gazes quietly at me, his blue eyes almost piercing through my skin, "**Let's go for a walk.**"


	2. Make it Up to Me

I look back at him curiously and pick up my plate before depositing it and following him out the door. What does he mean "let's go for a walk"? Is something wrong? When did he get back? And if he got back recently, then why is there already an issue with me?

Was he thinking of me while he was gone? That question grips at my head and it hurts because I already know the answer.

While we walk in silence, I notice traces of a wide cut on his neck and slight bruises on his arms.

**"Where have you been?"** I blurt out. Obviously, whatever Abnegation manners were instilled into me back when I was younger have dispersed into thin air.

He stops and turns around to face me, and I wonder if it was the wrong thing to ask, but he just leans in close to my face—so close that I can feel my cheeks get warm—and menacingly whispers,** "Somewhere dangerous."**

We stop near the Chasm and stand next to railings, listening to the water crash violently against the rock walls. Though, I can't really think much outside of how much I want to wrap my arms around Four and feel his grip on my shoulders again. That hasn't happened in a long time either. His black hair, although still short, has grown a little longer and is starting to curl around his ears.

Without looking at me, Four leans on the rail and simply states, **"It's been a while, huh?"** He's assuming the tone of an instructor, and it bugs me.

**"Yeah."** I answer, crossing my arms.

**"How have you been?"**

**"Okay."** I actually want to be the one interrogating him right now, but since he's been "somewhere dangerous" I guess I'll let him disclose whatever information he's willing, or allowed, to let out.

**"I missed you,"** he says quietly, finally turning to look at me. He voice becomes sweeter, more like him.

That took me by surprise. I try to gaze back, but after living so long without his blue eyes, I feel crippled and turn away. So much for bravery. Red floods into my cheeks and I cover them with my hands. He missed me. _He_ missed _me_.

**"I missed you too,"** I whisper almost inaudibly over the rush of the water. I'm staring down at the floor and sense movement in his position. He stands up and walks closer to me so that we're only a few inches apart.

**"Hey, look at me,"** he says. I feel his fingers wrap around my chin and lift my gaze up to his. Too close. He brushes a strand of hair out of my face and tucks it gently behind my ear.

I grasp his wrist and softly squeeze it. **"When did you get back?"** I ask.

**"This morning."**

**"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"** My voice sounds almost bitter to me, and probably to him too.

**"I'm sorry,"** he says rubbing circles on my cheek.** "It wasn't something I could be open about and one day they called me over and told me I needed to go."**

**"Okay."** I'm not okay with that answer really, but I don't care. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his chest. The smell of a musty shirt fills my nose and his hands slide comfortingly up and down my back. We stand there in silence for a few minutes until eventually he says, **"I'll make it up to you."**

**"How?"** My shoulders stiffen. Him taking me to his dorm suddenly fills my mind and nothing but tension wells up in my stomach. The thought makes me…scared.

**"You choose,"** he answers with a courageous smirk. Of course he would say that. He's from Abnegation. My body relaxes.

**"First, tell me where you got your bruises and cuts from."** He shoots me a questioning look, his lips tightening into a straight line.** "I know they're there,"** I persist. **"There's a big cut on the back of your neck and some bruises on your arms."** I look at him expectantly but he just shakes his head. He can't. I guess it's related to his secret mission. That's annoying. I try to suppress the anger in my face. **"Come on, it's been two months. The least you could do is tell me where you've been.**" My voice still bites. His face remains placid, expressionless, but I can tell the memories are replaying under the surface in his eyes. I push him away and glare.

**"You wouldn't want to know."** An icy frost creeps over his eyes as the words dangle from his lips. The tone sounds threatening almost, and I decide not to push further. It hurts that he still keeps secrets from me. But maybe we've always been like that. Keeping little things from each other in fear of hurting each other. I sigh heavily. _Not anymore_, I think as I pull him in again. He rests his forehead on mine and closes his eyes. I feel the cut on his neck, the scar brushing roughly under my fingers. He doesn't flinch. He just hugs me tighter. **"I really did miss you,"** he murmurs.

The air feels warm, despite standing over the relentless waters, and even the dimness of the cave seems a little brighther. No secrets. **"I know how you can make it up to me."**

He pulls his face away to look at me, his eyes now curious and almost…determined. Maybe he felt sorry for leaving while he was gone. **"Help me get through my fear landscape."**

The excitement fell from his face.** "Tris, I've already done that with you."**

**"You've ****_watched_**** me. Never experienced it with me. And besides, I have a new fear that you haven't seen."** I don't think at least. He raises an eyebrow and shrugs. He looks disappointed but he doesn't know about how scared I am of wanting him. Of being with him. That's a secret I've kept from him ever since initiation and now he'll know.


	3. Tris' Fear Landscape (Part One)

**Just to clear things up because I know I have to decide soon: I'm not exactly sure whether they're a couple either to be honest. Part of me doesn't want them to and the other half does /sobs**

**They were practically an unofficial couple before Tobias left for his thing, and now that he's back they're kind of awkward because Tris isn't sure whether to treat him like she used to or to keep distance. That's why Tris hasn't attacked him with a passionate kiss yet like I would like her too. ;_; They aren't a couple. But they're very close. But are they close enough to be a couple? Well…if someone could decide for me ehhehehhhhh /shot**

* * *

I don't know when or how it happened but somehow I find myself dragging Four to the fear landscape room with his hand in mine. I notice it about three-fourths of the way there, and I only begin to love it when we enter the room and he lets go of my hand. Then I miss it. What are we exactly? Are we together? Frowning, I watch him pull out two of the syringes, both full of orange serum, both possessing intimidatingly long needles. It's been so long since I've applied one of these things to anyone. In fact the only person I've ever stuck a needle in was Four back when I was still an initiate—back when he revealed to me his fears for the first time.

The room is still daunting and dark and _cold_ as usual. I shudder. Maybe I was ranked first for Dauntless initiates but this place still gives me chills. After he stops fiddling with the computer in the corner, he gives me a long look, asking doubtfully, **"So this will really make it up to you?"**

**"Yes," **I retort simply, settling onto an arm of one of the reclining chairs. I take a syringe from him and observe it, uncertain if I can stab him in the neck again, but he just taps a spot on his skin and says, **"Here." **His body doesn't twitch at all as the needle sinks in. He watches me until I'm finished and then gets up and grabs a needle himself.

He gives me a hard look and mutters, **"I thought I was the only one who does this on his spare time," **before cleaning off the tip of the needle. **"You ready?"**

**"****_Yes._****" **I furrow my eyebrows impatiently. **"Hurry up."**

He throws up his hands and smiles, **"Come here then."** I get up and tilt my head so as to expose my neck and wait, except instead of an aching feeling, I feel his lips quickly press against the exposed skin. My heartbeat jumps. I definitely wasn't ready for that, but before I can throw a confused look at him, I feel the needle pierce the same spot and the pain spreads rapidly into numbness. I try to burn holes into him with my stare as we slide into our chairs and wait until the darkness completely encloses us.

* * *

Crows. I remember the dusty memory, suddenly fresh in my mind. Black, scruffy crows. I check to make sure that Four is here next to me before averting my attention to the black bird hopping towards us in the distant grass. I feel a crow perch onto my shoulder. Ugh. I turn my head to the side, only to find Four staring back at me. **"You okay?"** he asks, reaching for my hand.

**"Maybe."** It's only a matter of time before several of the creatures perch onto our bodies, pecking us. I feel kind of fine until they start screaming. I can't help but take shorter breaths at the ugly sound. My chest pounds rapidly as I desperately push away some of the birds with one hand and cover my ear with the other. It doesn't help. They multiply and crowd in closer and I feel sick and ready to scream. My knees collapse under me as I protect whatever I can with my arms. **"Stop!"** I wailed. I don't remember it being this hard to get through this fear. I try to take deep breaths but each one comes out uneven. Two claws tightly clutch either side of my waist, the force bringing my back to slam against the grass floor. Overwhelmed, I almost scream until I open my eyes and see Four on top of me, his back arched to protect me and his hands on my waist.

**"It's okay, it's okay,"** he hushes reassuringly into my ear. **"Take a couple of breaths, Tris. Remember?"** I nod shaking, and try to breathe while I watch the screeching black muddle swarm about us. Feathers fall on us and claws scrape but Four somehow ignores them. His grip on me stays firm, while his deep eyes steadily stare into mine. He lifts one hand to brush away a single tear from my eye. Wow, this is embarrassing. Whatever disappointment lies in Four's expression is well-hidden from me. He doesn't look concerned or let down—just observant. His eyes are wide and almost hungry, like he's waiting for me to do something. But I don't. My body relaxes and eventually but surely, the crows are swallowed up into nothing with the rest of the landscape.

I feel his grasp on my waist ease away and we pick ourselves up, only to find ourselves stuck in a glass box. The box is still the same size, I can tell, but now there's two of us. Four and I look at each other and back towards the spectators watching us. Spectators like Peter, Molly, Christina, and Eric. Water begins pour in at our feet and I look to Four to get reassurance again but instead his eyes are big, wild, and unsure.

_Oh no._ His claustrophobia. With both of us in the box it's tight and we can barely move. I can see his chest swelling up and down heavily and his eyes shut tight, his teeth biting hard into his lip. The water reaches my stomach. I grab onto Four's shirt and pull him into a hug and rub his back as comfortingly as terrified person can underwater. This time there isn't enough room to bring my arm back and break the glass. **"Look at me,"** I demand, stammering. **"We're going to stay still, calm down, and drown and that's okay. You hear me?"** He nods, tucking his face into my hair. He clasps the back of my shirt as the water flows above our heads and reaches the top of the box. We stay frozen in that moment, clutching each other as the water swooshes in our ears. Suddenly everything is silent, and the glass shatters into nothing, freeing us as the water drops and splashes to the floor.

**"Last I remember, I'm supposed to be helping ****_you_****,"** he said breathlessly he rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed.

I shake my head weakly, **"No, you're just here with me."**

He gives me a feeble smile, and kisses the top of my head. I guess we are together.

**_END OF PART ONE_**


	4. Tris' Fear Landscape (Part Two)

**Can I also mention that I don't own a Divergent book. So sorry if something seems off. Also please review! I'd love to improve but this is my first fanfiction and I don't know how. D:**

* * *

Four stands next to me like a stone statue as the next landscape settles in. Not that I've seen many of those since art is more Amity's forte, but it's almost like he internally decided to stay fearless because when I glance at him, his eyes are empty of emotion and his face in general is completely expressionless. His hand slips into mine sturdily as if we were knotted like an infinity. My stomach is fluttering. He hasn't touched me like this for two months. As I look away, we're suddenly thrown downward against the floor and forced to let go. The friction between our backs and the jagged surface scrapes and stings as we collide with the rock.

Breathless, I look up and recognize the crimson moon sitting silently in a corner of the black sky. I scramble for edge of the rock but not before water envelopes us. Four reaches for me and pulls me closer, holding me tightly against him with one arm while clinging onto the edge with the other. Another icy wave hits. We're both violently gasping for air but there's a calm in Four's eyes as he observes the situation, unlike me, who's absolutely stricken with terror. I don't have control over anything. **"It's not real,"** he says to me before another wave hits and lobs us over the edge. I let out an embarrassing cry while Four grunts as we hit the rock, his arm slightly twisted. From neck down our bodies dangle in the thrashing water. **"It's not real,"** he says again, kissing my forehead. **"You're so strong, Tris."**

I breathe heavily as I grasp the edge to try and lighten the weight. It isn't real. I close my eyes which are puffy with salt water. I'm—we're divergent and we know that. I need control. I need to take control because that's the only way out. He kisses me again on the cheek and I bite my lip, trying to calm down. My heart is still racing but not necessarily because of the water. The waves are crashing at slower periods now. I don't feel cold like the ocean anymore. Steam rises from my skin. I feel alive and warm.

Steadily, we push our bodies upward with all the strength we can muster and force ourselves back onto the rock. A wave hits but we stay firm. Shaking, we pick ourselves up. I look resolutely at the red moon who seems small and weak under my stare. Then it vanishes along with the rest of the ocean.

Maybe I'm just getting used simulations again. I haven't gone through one since initiation. Four smiles at me and gives me a triumphant pat on the back.

**"Stop that,"** I groan.

**"Stop what?"** He retracts his hand as if he's hurt, but I can see the ends of his lip curl upward.

**"Smiling. It's not helping me,"** I take his hand and put it on my racing heart. **"It's not helping here."**

He just smiles again, and I just groan again. Warmth fills up my cheeks and I look away. He whispers something, but I don't hear it.

**"What?"**

**"I didn't say anything."**

I get ready to grab his collar when I realize my arms can't move; they're bound to a post. I wiggle my hands and wrists. They can't move either. I look over my shoulder and find Four struggling a little in the ropes before returning my gaze.

**"Hey Stiff!" **Four whips his head at the sound, hatred rising in his eyes. This surprises me. Despite calling me that a lot during my initiation, he seems defensive about it …_sensitive_.His fingers, though bounded by rope, strain to touch mine and curl slightly around them.

Ugly laughter fills the air as Peter and some group of people behind him emerge from the darkness. Peter holds a deathly torch in his hand, the light flickering ominously over his face. Oh yeah. I remember this. I groan. Peter drops the torch carelessly under us, cutely snickering, **"Oops."** The crowd cackles in sickening chorus with him, some of them chanting **"Stiff, Stiff, Stiff…"**

I hear the pop as the logs beneath us ignite and sigh, exasperated. The heat suddenly feels very real, but I can tell my blood boils hotter.** "I don't understand why he's still in my fear landscape," **I growl.** "I'm not scared of him. I just hate him." **Obviously I'm not scared of him if I can already tell I'm in the fear landscape.

**"Sometimes hatred stems from fear,"** Four says quietly in his instructor voice. My eyebrows furrow in confusion at him. What the hell does that mean? His eyes meet mine like he already knows the answer to my question. I gulp. **"What are you afraid of, Tris?"**

I bite my lip. How am I supposed to know? I'm not afraid. **"I don't know," **I say hopelessly as the fire begins licking our feet. Four's body brightens up with the flames and I can't help but notice how good he looks with fire surrounding him, like a true Dauntless. Then I imagine in the gray clothing of Abnegation. They suit him too. Pretty much anything suits him really. The blue of the Erudite, the red of Amity, the black and white of Candor, they all look good on him.

Suddenly the **"Stiff"** chanting gets louder, shattering my thoughts. I narrow my eyes, agitated, but I look back at Four and sigh, trying to relax. If I don't, we'll get burned up. _He'll_ get burned up.

**"What's wrong?"** Peter laughs sadistically, watching me struggle to free my arm. **"Feeling stiff?"**

I shake my head**. "I don't care,"** I retort loudly at the crowd while staring especially menacingly at Peter. **"I don't care what you think of me. You don't matter. You don't have control over me. In fact,"** The ropes loosen. I manage to free one hand and throw a pointed finger at him. **"I forgive you."**

The crowd and Peter go silent and simply stare at me. _Now_ I feel self-conscious. It sounds so weird coming out of my mouth. Apparently Four thinks so too because I can see him wide-eyed, stifling a chuckle as Peter and the fire falls away into nothing. Four and I fall out of the binding, onto our feet. I rub my arms expecting there to be rope imprints but it remains undamaged, untouched. I hear Four snivel behind me.

**"What?"** I scowl. My pride is partially hurt.

**"I told you before, a long time ago,"** he says as he steps towards me and holds my cheek in his hand. **"I love it when your Abnegation side comes out. You're so…"** He kisses my nose. **"So brave."** The words spill out of his mouth like a drunk sigh, but I fail to understand.

**"Do you really forgive him?" **he says, raising an eyebrow. His eyes become momentarily cold.** "Because I don't." **I know what he's talking about. I ignore it.

**"What was selfless about that?"** I ask, incredulous. **"I thought I was just gaining control."**

Instead of answering, he just gives me a dismissive wave of his hand and snorts. I cross my arms, pouting. He kisses my nose again. Why is he being so secretive? It's getting old.

**_"What?"_**

He laughs.** "I love you."**

_**END PART 2**_

* * *

**Next chapter will be super long I promise, because it'll have the last three fear landscapes. Have a good day lovelies.**


	5. Tris' Fear Landscape (Last Part)

**Last chapter before I start updating slowly. ): It's longer than the others though! By the way, thank you so much for the reviews! I know it's not that many, but a lot of you sounded really excited, and to be honest I was so flustered and flattered I nearly killed myself trying to go down the stairs because I was jumping so much with joy.**

I wince. What? Suddenly my head feels dizzy. _I love you._ It replays in my head, over and over again. Does he know the emptiness I felt when he was gone? The resentment? The hugs, the kisses, everything we were before he left erupts in my chest and I simply gape at him, unable to respond. He simply smiles at me, making the world and everything in it disintegrate.

I begin reaching for him somehow when a muffled noise bangs loudly behind me. I almost forgot we were in the landscape. Empty walls and gray furniture have already materialized around us. This is my old bedroom. I spin around and make out a shadow of a man looming in a single window, his fist pounding repeatedly against the glass. Ominous moonlight peeks in, causing the scars on the man's face to stand out. The recognition shoots fear up my spine and fear to ring in my ears like a bell. It's the scarred man from my aptitude test. I stand frozen and immobile. I can't hear Four's distant words in my ear. I can't take my eyes off the shadow. Detached and horrifically bent limbs dance in the window with the scarred man, all beating violently against the glass so much it sounds like nauseatingly heavy thunder.

**"Tris."** I don't hear it. Instead I see that the man now is on the inside of the window. He stands a good ten feet away in my tiny bedroom, but I can still feel his angry breath coat my face. _You're lying. You could save me!_ **"Tris!"** Four calls out louder, grabbing my shoulders. I jump.** "Tris, Tris, it's okay. Remember, you have to calm down and gain control,"** he says quickly, kissing my forehead. He brings his forehead to mine then steps in front of me, creating a barrier between me and the man. I tuck my head into his back. His hand reaches backward and takes my mine, rubbing circles with his thumb. Two other bodies emerge next the scarred man, both faceless, their heads bare and dented like skulls. **"Why don't you tell me about this?"** he instructs soothingly over his shoulder, squeezing my hand.

**"It's Peter,"** I whisper, as if I'm afraid to admit it. **"Peter, Drew, and Al."** The moment the names fall from my mouth, the three bodies begin to approach us, their steps falling into sync. The window shatters and the mangle limbs spill in, thumping onto the floor. Four doesn't ask another question and instead steps back protectively, which signals me to step back, until eventually my body stops against the closet door.

Then I remember. The gun in the closet. I let go of Four's hand and whip around, shoving the closet door open. Exhilaration flows up my spine and beads of sweat slide down my neck as my hands search blindly for the weapon. The gun will be there.

**"Tris, what are you—"** He stops when he sees me draw out a white rifle and goes rigid, waiting for me to shoot. Rounds fill the air and sickening snapping noises erupt as the bullets hit my targets. The bodies crumble to the ground in a single pool of blood while the window is shattered, traces of splattered crimson spread about its surface. I pant heavily, letting the gun fall from my fingers as the landscape evaporates into darkness. There are some things about Abnegation that I miss. My bedroom certainly is not one of them anymore.

Four doesn't say anything. He just turns around and wraps his arms around me securely. I breathe in his scent and relax, warmth filling my chest. I wonder how Four can do this on his spare time, to always have his fears so fresh in his mind.

I'm about to ask when his grasp on me fades and he disappears altogether.

**"Four?"** My eyes shift left and right. What's going on? I turn around and see Four standing behind me. Or, no, that's not Four. That's simulation Four. Simulation Four leans in and kisses me, his hands squeezing my waist and pulling me in closer. I wince at first, but then gradually fall into rhythm with his lips. Something doesn't feel right though, and I push him away. I try to think where actual Four has gone because so far, my eyes can't spot him. The only thing my eyes do spot is a bed. Nervous tension wells up in my stomach and I begin to shake. I remember how shameful this was in the Abnegation community, how disgusting it was to be sexually active and clearly, I still fear it with Four.

**"Four, I'm not—"** He grabs two handfuls of my shirt and begins sliding it off my body. Sweat glides down my cheek while the back of his fingers brush up my sides. **"Four I'm not ready,"** I sputter. My hands wrap around his wrists to stop him from exposing anything above my belly. It's not frantic panic like the last four landscapes. This one is just mild nervousness, and yet I can't seem to think up a way to control it. Simulation Four kisses me again, my stomach still exposed, forcing my knees to wobble. This time I could've sworn his tongue touched mine. I push him away again, panting._ God, he just won't stop._ I feel light-headed, unable to distinguish hallucinations from reality. Where is Four? Is he seeing this?

Suddenly my knees slide out from under me and I find myself dropped onto the bed. Panic races through my veins and I curl my fingers into a fist.** "Four, I don't want to have sex with you,"** I finally stammer. He stops and looks at me. _Finally._ **"Maybe one day, when I'm ready to,"** I say quietly, trying to compensate. The panic fades and I grab ahold of his collar and kiss him back full on. Then he's gone. I laugh almost hysterically, bringing my hands to my hot cheeks, relieved. I stand up and bring my shirt back to the edge of my pants, only to turn around and find that Simulation Four is still there. Or no, that's actual Four. I think. I don't know. I can't read his expression, but my guess is that he saw the whole thing.

**"Where were you?"**

**"Two of the same people can't be in the landscape at the same time, so the real one disappears until it's over,"** he says simply. His gaze softens as he slides his fingers through my hair and tucks a lock gently behind my ear. **"I didn't realize you were so scared of me."**

**"I'm not." **And it's true. I'm not scared of Four. Right now his eyes remind me of warm summer skies, and I want him to wrap his arms around me and hide his face in my hair. **"I'm just afraid…of being with you. I feel like I'm doing something wrong."**

Hurt flickers in his eyes for a moment then quickly return to its expressionless color. He just shakes his head.** "You aren't, Tris." **

The landscape transforms into its final scene. This fear I've never forgotten. The hairs on the back of neck stand up and prickle like a cactus.** "Here we go," **I whisper, squeezing his arm. I don't glance at him, but I can feel his questioning look on me. A light flashes and from it emerges Caleb and my parents standing close together about ten feet away, staring at me. My mother and Caleb both smile, while my father rests his hands on both their shoulders. I wait to feel the gun press coldly against my temple and shut my eyes, the sweat already forming in my hands. A familiar voice hisses wickedly in my ear. **"Kill them."** It's Jeanine. My finger curls lightly around a gun's trigger, the weapon forming in my hand, heavy with burden. **"Kill them or I'll kill you."**

Four hasn't seen this landscape either. **"What do you have to do?" **he asks, standing stiffly next to me. His voice is heavy though, as if he already knows the answer. I don't respond and squeeze his arm harder. He winces. Oh yeah, his bruises. His pulls his arm out and takes my hand.

Caleb's gentle voice speaks out to me, **"It's okay, Beatrice. We understand."**

I shake my head.** "I can't," **I whisper. Four's hand tightens around mine. The warmth gives me courage.

Jeanine ugly, fragmented voice snarls, **"I'll give you ten seconds!" **I close my eyes again.** "Ten!"**

**"Nine!"**

**"Eight!" **I hear the trigger of her gun click.

**"Seven!" **Four's grip on my hand hurts.

**"Six!"** Mother is still smiling. I think father is too.

**"Five!" **

**"Four!"** She presses the gun harder against my head. I inhale sharply. Four's words play in my head. _You're so strong, Tris._

**"Three."**

**"Two!" **I drop the gun and let it clatter to the floor, turning my head so the gun points directly at my forehead.

**"One!"** Something unexpected happens.

I feel myself thrown to the side as the sound of a gunshot rings deafly behind me. I slam against the floor. In the corner of my eye I see Four collapse to the ground while blood trickles down his face and spills into a puddle under his head. **"Four…"** I say, shaking. **"Four? Four!"** He doesn't respond. I choke on my words. My blood melts into a terrible soup of rage and hatred and I scramble for the gun, rapidly sticking it at Jeanine and pulling the trigger. I let the bullets fire and watch the blood fly as holes and holes form in her body. My breath feels thick as I see Four collapse in my head again and again, each time causing my chest to go numb.

Jeanine, my family, and the landscape altogether disappear. I'm panting frantically in the reclining chair of the fear landscape room. I look to my right and see Four watching me with wide eyes. Did he wake up the moment he died? I don't care. I don't care. I get up and stumble towards him, letting my hand fall onto his hair and eventually slide to his forehead. There's no trace blood. There's not a trace of blood anywhere. I let out an exasperated sigh and fall to my knees, let my head rest on the arm of his chair. I hear him shift and feel a kiss on my forehead. I look up, his eyes two inches from mine.

**"I thought you died,"** I whisper.

**"I didn't."**

**"I see."** I wrap an arm around his neck and pull his face into mine. Our lips collide, the moisture coating our skin. We stay like that for what feels like years until he gently pushes me away, giving me a curious look.

**"You never answered me,"** he says quietly.

**"What?" **

**"I said I love you."**

I smile, unable to think. **"You know what?"** I say as I hold his face in my hands. **"I love you too."**

* * *

**END PART THREE **

**Next update will probably be around Wednesday but no promises! :) Have a good day and don't forget to review.**


	6. In the Middle of the Night

I stayed in Four's room that night. Even though it felt like we spent an hour at the fear landscape, we spent a grand total of seven minutes sitting in those chairs. But even so, I was exhausted afterwards just with the fear landscape and especially with the whole Four dying thing. We decided I would stay with him since I probably wouldn't get much rest sleeping alone. He didn't ask if he could join me on the bed though. The moment we stepped into the room, he pulled some sheets out a small closet and set them on the floor. Why he has a small closet, I'm not sure, but I'm assuming it helps him face his claustrophobia. Four really is strong. After I wiggled under the blankets, he gave me a last kiss and I parted with reality.

* * *

I wake up with a start, sensing a pair of eyes staring at me in the darkness and something leaning gently against my stomach. As soon as my sight adjusts, I realize it's Four sitting on the bed close to me, my body curled around him. There's a thin layer of sweat on my body and I shove the blanket off of me, too warm for my skin.

His hand rubs my shoulder carefully as if he's prepared for me to hit him in retaliation. **"You were screaming," **he says quietly.**"What were you dreaming about?"**

I look at him with a raised brow.** "I don't know," **I answer, trying to think. Drowsiness still pulls at my eyelids. Nothing but brief, unfamiliar, hazy fragments come to mind. I don't remember what I was dreaming about, but apparently it wasn't something good.

** "I remember my dream,"** He begins. He looks away and gazes absently at his hands. **"I dreamed that we were going to escape this place together. Then that Erudite witch Jeanine caught us and injected me with some sort of special serum for Divergent people. Then I tried to kill you." **Those last words linger in the air. There's not enough light in the room to see the guilt in his eyes, but I can tell they're there. He grabs a clump of his hair and ruffles it uncomfortably.** "When you started screaming, I woke up and I thought I really did it," **he sighs painfully.

I don't know how to respond.** "Well, I'm alive. Here. With you," **I say softly.** "What else did you dream about?"** My hands reach around his neck and pull his face closer to mine. I feel the scar on his neck again, but broken into segments. He must've been scratching it.

**"Nothing. Just that."** His voice implies there's more than "just that" but I dismiss it. He would've been a good Candor. Terrible at lying. I lean forward and kiss his cheek.

**"Here,"** I slide to the other side of the bed. **"We'll lie down together."** He looks at me, unsure, but I return his gaze and pat the empty spot invitingly. **"You're not going to kill me,"** I say, in case he needed a reminder. **"Just lie down."**

He flops onto his back next to me and stares at the ceiling. **"There's a dauntless,"** I mutter, closing my eyes.

The next time I wake up, I feel a pair of eyes staring at me again, but this time I hear yelling outside the door. It must be morning. **"I'm alive,"** I say to him.

**"You're alive,"** he repeats, kissing my forehead. Then he smiles.

* * *

**"Tris?" **Christina waves her hand in my face. I blink. I've been so light-headed since Four returned.** "Tris, where were you yesterday? I know you went to have a…talk with Four but you didn't come back." **She shakes her head disappointed ** "I wanted us to go see Mr. Muscles up against the Boogeyman," **she sighs. Mr. Muscles is Christina's nickname for her favorite fighter. Fighters knock the snot out of each other for Dauntless entertainment.

**"Sorry,"** I say before sipping my coffee. **"It was a long walk."** I'm not sorry at all. I've never known what's so great about watching people beat each other senseless. The splattered crimson on the floor, the broken bones, the stretchers carrying all the bloody messes away…it makes my stomach twist. Four said the faction wasn't always like that, and it makes me feel nostalgic for a period that hasn't existed in ages.

**"So did Four tell you where he went?"** she asks. It seems like no one knows where he went except the people in government positions.

**"No, and it's bugging me," **I mumble. He's still keeping it a secret. I even tried to get him to spill this morning but he just waved me off and left me alone in his room. _Try to understand_, he said. _Where's that Abnegation side that doesn't question things_, he said. _It would hurt you more to know_**,** he said. **_Trust me_**, he said. **"Hurt me more my eye,"** I mutter under my breath.

**"What?"**

**"Nothing."**

We walk to the dining hall for breakfast and find Will sitting at a table with the rest of the usual group. He already collected food for Christina, so she stops following me and finds a place next to him while I go grab some eggs and a carton of milk.

As I reach for an egg, someone cries out behind me, **"What? Where?!" **It's Lauren. Her eyes are wide with anxiety as she awaits a response from some man standing nearby, tattoos swirling up and down his arms. The man shrugs, **"They're at the Chasm. They might've already recovered them, but they're both pretty badly wounded as it is. Four more so than Peter though. Last I saw them, Four was barely hanging onto the edge." **Four? Hurt? At the Chasm? _Hanging onto the edge?_

I leave the food on the counter and sprint past the doors, towards the Chasm. Not much really registers in my head as people fly past me. I don't take precaution running over the narrow paths either. Once I reach the Chasm however, I see a large group of people surround the railings, all of them chaotic and shouting. I shove my way through until I spot Four lying unconscious on the ground, his scraped arms sprawled above his head, which is slightly covered in blood. His finger tips to his elbow are completely swollen, possessing a mixture of blue and purple bruises. But that doesn't catch my attention nearly as much as the pool of blood growing from under his waist. Peter sits next to him, wailing and clutching his oddly bent arm.

Is Four…dead?


	7. At the Infirmary

"**Four?" **I say shaking. This scene seems too familiar.** "Four!" **I scream, fear erupting in my voice. My cry goes unnoticed under the blur of shouts. I reach for him, but the crowd thickens and I feel myself shoved back and forth with the waves of people. It was only yesterday night when I witnessed him dead, but that wasn't real. Now here he is again, on the floor in a bloody mess. The only difference is I don't get to wake up to find him alive and safe. I don't get to open my eyes and return his curious gaze, soft with love.

Nope. I get to stare at him helplessly as he lies deathly still on the ground in a pool of blood.

An empty path breaks the crowd in half as I watch two people walk through, carrying Four whose body limply drags along. Peter follows weakly behind them, still grasping his broken arm. I don't bother to stay in the clutter of chaos, and instead walk next to Four's carriers as they lug him to the infirmary.

"**Is he in a coma?" **I ask.

They shake their heads. **"He's just unconscious. It happens." **

That makes me exhale with relief. I decide I'll let Four explain what happened when he wakes up. Something like a fire smolders inside me towards Peter. It sizzles and pops and tells me that Peter is obviously to blame for this. And by the time we reach the infirmary, the hatred in me feels volcanic. _I'm going to hurt him._

While Peter saunters away to wait for an arm cast, they settle Four onto a bed and hastily begin stripping his shirt off. The back of the shirt appears soaked in blood by the way it hangs heavily in the air and droops when they set it aside. Red color floods the white of the sheets under Four.

I sense movement next to me, but before I can look, I hear him say "**Tris"** next to my ear. I internally groan. It's Eric. The only times where I have to see Eric are when the faction is gathered together, Eric standing above everyone with his fist raised, announcing jobs or addressing problems within the faction.

"**Eric,"** I reply firmly. **"Didn't know you liked to visit infirmary patients."**

He laughs, but it doesn't sound warm like Four's. It rings like a cold bell. He crosses his arm. **"I don't,"** he says, shrugging. **"Just wanted to know if Four was dead."**

"**He's not dead," **I snap, clenching my fists. I couldn't take him on really, but I could try. He doesn't respond for a few moments, and I take the time to watch the nurse pull out antiseptic towels.

"**I don't know,"** he finally says, peering over at Four's figure. A sly grin spreads across his face. **"He looks pretty stiff."**

My fist strikes his jaw, the skin under his lip twisting with my knuckles. I don't remember deciding to hit him but as soon as my fist loses contact, a searing pain aches at the side of my head and I feel myself hit the floor. I curl up and cross my arms in front of me, waiting for the impact of a kick to send me somewhere painful, but it never comes. When I look up I see Lauren struggling to hold Eric back, hissing in his ear, **"You better stop right now." **Eric manages to stick his foot out and violently grind it on my hand before falling into silence, his eyes wild and hungry as if he's been needing an excuse to hurt someone for a while. The sting from his foot burns. Gritting my teeth, I glare back at him and pick myself up, inspecting my damaged hand. It's mostly swollen, and two of my fingers bend at weird angles. They're probably slightly broken.

"**Let me fix that up for you,"** Lauren says, shoving Eric behind her.

"**I don't need it,"** I shoot back coldly. The last thing I want Eric to think is that I need someone to baby me after a little hit like that.

She just looks at me and shakes her head. I watch the rings in her eyebrows wiggle with her face. **"Give it here," **she says gently, grabbing my wrist. After pulling out medical tape from the one of the drawers, she begins wrapping the bandages around my hand and finishes by handing me a small bag of ice from the freezer. **"It'll heal faster if you don't eat it**.**"** Then, with a friendly grin, she winks and turns around to face Eric.

I peek over at Four. Bandages cover his waist and his arms, with a single blood-stained rag draped over his head. I draw a chair and plant it next to his bed, plopping down on its metal seat.

"**Four?"** I whisper almost inaudibly. I lean in close to his face, gently clutching the edge of the bed with hope, but he doesn't respond.

I leave him alone for what? Half an hour? And this is what happens? I groan. Luckily, I have a day off from work today, so I don't have to leave him until tomorrow. In a way, I wish Eric hurt me enough to put me on one of the beds too so Four and I can be crippled together. But then I shake away the thought, knowing that's not courageous at all. It's just selfish.

I rest my head next to his and steadily doze off.

* * *

When I wake up, I feel a pair of eyes on me again.

I glance up, expecting to meet Four's gaze, but his eyes are still closed, concealing the deep blue underneath. Instead I find Uriah sitting next to me in his own pulled-up chair, nonchalantly flipping through a Dauntless magazine. **"Oh you're awake," **he says as I sit up. He hands me a cup of water. **"Thought I'd stop by and stand guard." **

"**Nice of you,"** I mumble tiredly, bringing the cup to my lips. My eyes wander to the clock. It's around two in the afternoon.

"**Since when were you and Four so cozy?"** His voice is teasing, but there's a strange texture to it, as if there's some other motive under his smile. I ignore it. Then I remember. Uriah hadn't seen me at all since initiation until about a month and a half ago, so he wouldn't know what went on between Four and I before he left for his mission.

I don't know how wise it is to simply state our relationship though, so I plainly respond, **"We're not." **Then I remember I was just resting my head next to Four for the past six hours. God, I'm a terrible liar.

"**Oh yeah?" **He closes the magazine and gives me a gentle pat on the shoulder. **"Just wondering,"** he says with a laugh. **"Looks like you won't need me anymore, so I'll get going, yeah?" **

I give him a brief nod, raising my cup towards him. **"Thanks." **

"**No problem," **he says, laughing again. I smile back, sipping the water.

Then, out of nowhere, he leans over and gives me a hug. At first I'm not really sure how to respond, but eventually I bring my arms awkwardly around him, waiting for him to let go. Out of the corner of my eye I think I see Four twitch, but when I look again, he appears completely unmoved.


	8. Scars

**I NEED TO ASK A QUESTION: With the chapters I try to limit them to 1,100-1,500 words each, and then just update frequently, but what do you guys prefer? Maybe I should update long 3000-4000 word chapters weekly? I mean I'm already at eight chapters and it's only been four days since I started because I'm really obsessed with writing this, y'all have no idea. I've literally been glued to my computer since day one.**

**But this is my first fanfiction so I'm a little unsure. What do you guys think is a healthy time span between each update? I guess the suspense between each update is a valuable part of fanfiction experience.**

**Thanks! And please review and critique please please i love you i want to make this fanfiction enjoyable to read and not labor**

* * *

Once Uriah leaves, I look around to make sure Four and I are alone. If not for his swelling chest, I would've thought Four was actually dead because of how peacefully he sleeps. Then again, there's something unsettling about the way he sleeps, as if he's having a nightmare or is ready to jump if someone tries to wake him. I brush my hand across the bandages on his arm, then lean over to take his hand and kiss it. Just as I begin to let go however, his fingers slowly curl around mine. I whip my head to look at him, finding his blue eyes wide open and watching me.

"**Did you wake up just now?"** I ask, furrowing my brows.

"**No, I woke up a while ago,"** he says, shifting his eyes towards the door. **"I waited for Uriah to leave."**

"**You didn't have to." **I touch my cheek to his shoulder. His skin is firm and warm. He strains to tilt his head so that it touches mine, but cringes and sinks back into the pillow. It must be pretty bad. I sit up, my eyes sliding over his body. **"What happened to you?"**

"**Got in a fight," **he says plainly.** "Peter fell over the edge and I got dragged along with him." **Then something of still coldness creeps over his gaze.** "Should've let him drop." **I imagine Peter's body tumbling into the Chasm, the thrashing waters tearing his skin to shreds. And then watching some men hoist him back onto the ground while Eric commemorates him with the "outstanding victory" of facing death. It brings me to another memory, a distant memory that haunts me in my sleep from time to time. I shake off the thought.

"**But your back?" **I persist.

"**It hurts," **he says quietly, as if he's admitting something embarrassing.** "I think I hit a sharp rock when I fell off the edge." **He carefully turns over onto his side with subtle grunts, exposing his back to me.** "How does it look?"**

I gape. Aside from several ugly scrapes sprinkled around, there's a slash that opens wide and deep across the waist level and turns toward his neck, thinning out right under his shoulder. The bandages don't even cover half of it. There are few scrapes on his neck but the scar on it from his mission looks fresh with blood. **"Four…"** I'm almost ashamed of how weakly his name falls from my mouth. **"It looks pretty bad. I think you'll have to stay here for at least another day**.**"** Dauntless in general don't like staying at the infirmary for more than a couple hours. He opens his mouth about to protest, but stops. A thoughtful expression glides over his face.

"**I've been meaning to ask,"** his voice softens. His non-bandaged thumb rubs circles on the back of my hand. **"When did you start calling me Four?" **

I don't respond. I don't remember when I stopped calling him by his real name. Sometime during those two months it stopped ringing like it used to and I reverted back to his nickname. I shrug my shoulders. I don't know.

"**Say it for me,"** he says, closing his eyes.

The name forms in my mouth, gradually and then altogether. **"Tobias,"** I whisper.

He smiles and brings his arm stiffly around my neck, pulling my face closer to his. **"Again," **he says quietly. Chills shiver up my spine.

"**Tobias…"** I mutter, feeling his lips press against my neck. The name sounded foreign minutes before, but now it pulsates through me, woven into my skin. **"Again,"** he breathes against my cheek.

"…**Tobias."** I close my eyes too and wait for his mouth to collide with mine. Instead, I feel him freeze. I glance up at him. His eyes are locked on my bandaged hand, his head seeming to well up with thoughts.

"**What happened?"** he asks.

I make it sound like it's not a big deal because really it's not. **"Who cares?"** Smiling, I lean in to continue where we left off but he turns his head and lifts my hand to inspect it. Sighing, I wrap my free hand around his arm. "**Eric stepped on it. It's nothing."**

"**Eric did this?" **Disgust occupies his expression**.**

"**It's fine," **I repeat, pulling away my injured hand. I forgot the numbing pain until now.

He doesn't say anything. He simply gives me a hard look. **"Why would he?"**

"**I just got mad and punched him," **I say shrugging.

"**You **_**punched**_** him?" **He shakes his head.** "What would make you mad enough that you'd throw a punch at **_**Eric**_**?"**

"**He happily said you were dead," **I say through my teeth.** "Just thought he deserved it."**

"**I'm honestly surprised you're not in a bed next to me," **He mumbles, bringing my hand to his lips. He groans at the ceiling.** "You're an idiot, Tris," **

I glare at him.** "What about you? Why would you throw yourself over the **_**Chasm**_** edge with Peter?" **I shoot back. Inside I've wanted to ask him ever since he woke up but I didn't realize I'd confront him about it like this.

"**He was pushing me. It was either me or both of us going over those railings."** He senses the hostility in my voice, so he softens his. Not very convincingly though, because there's a murderous edge to his tone.

He's still being vague.** "But why would he be pushing you?"**

Four—Tobias is reluctant to say it. He mutters quietly, **"He was trying to rally people up to kill the Abnegation people in Dauntless." **He bites his lip.** "And it was working." **A chill runs up my spine. There are only two people I can think of from Abnegation that transferred into Dauntless.

Tobias and I.

* * *

Eventually Tobias falls asleep again (I think), and after replacing his rag with a clean one, I let myself head to the dining hall to fetch some food. I'm a little later than usual, so I'm not expecting to find many friends there. I feel a tiny bit guilty for not catching up with Christina. It's been two days since Four returned, and two days since I've spent any time at all with her.

I realize I haven't eaten anything today. I stack four or five slices of toast and a cup of fruit on my plate and sit down. I still remember being in the cafeteria as an Abnegation, watching the Dauntless as chatter still fills the room, and stacks of cards and gambling checkers replace the plates. I'm about through with my third slice when someone plops down next to me. It's Uriah.

"**Hey,"** he says good-naturedly as usual. I give him a responding smile. His skin is pale courtesy of staying in a cave all his life but the remnants of scars from fights and who knows what are still prevalent around his arms. He grins at me. **"We're going zip-lining again. It's even more exciting at night, I promise. You in?"**

"**Nah,"** I manage, my voice muffled by mushed-up toast in my cheek. **"I've got plans tonight." **His eyes sink, disappointed, but he doesn't push it. After chatting a while, he realizes he needs to go gather up the group and says his good-bye with a hug. My body tenses at his touch. It doesn't feel right.

I return to the infirmary with an egg in my hand for Tobias. He said he wasn't hungry but I'm sure he'll appreciate a snack. He's still sleeping peacefully in his bed, this time his arm resting limply across his chest. I sit down on the metal seat again and set the egg protectively in my lap before resting my head next to his. After taking one last look at his face, I close my eyes.

"**I love you," **I whisper.

"**I love you too," **he whispers back.


	9. Confusion

**"You don't need to patronize me, Tris,"** Tobias mutters under his breath. Gritting his teeth, he tries to sit up, but gives up half way through and falls limply back against the bed. I lean on the wall, watching him. Last night he demanded that I allow him to go back to his room, but instead of simply agreeing I decided I would be his kind of...nurse, should he return. And now here we are, early in the morning.

**"If you haven't noticed, I could probably kill you in a heartbeat right now, so shut up and stay down,"** I say, casually biting my thumb. It's true, though. The Tobias who seemed invincible three days ago now lies feebly under my surveillance.

He ends of his lip twitch. **"That's kind of hot."**

**"Please,"** I laugh, rolling my eyes. I sit down on the bed and lean over him, locking our stares with a smirk. **"Have you seen this ugly face?"**

**"I have. I can't seem to take my eyes off it."**

I snort. **"You're masochistic,"** I say kissing his forehead.

**"And you're sadistic,"** he retorts, closing his eyes.** "Kiss me on the lips already."**

And I do. My lips gently glide over his nose and press against his mouth carefully, yet passionately. We stay like that for what seems like years before he pulls his face away.** "Still scared of me?"** he whispers softly.

**"I might be, might not,"** I murmur, lying down next to him. He puts his face in my hair, his metallic scent glazing about. I try to ignore that the only article of clothing he's wearing is his boxers. That was the awkward part of helping back to his room. I felt his skin pressed against mine the whole time we walked through the darkness.

His hot breath lingers next to my ear.**"Well I think it's time you face your fears, Tris."**

My heart leaps. What does he mean? What does he want? He can't even move. I laugh half hysterically, my cheeks boiling, and roll out of the bed, face planting awkwardly onto the floor. It's not the greatest move but it's all I can think to do. I'm not ready to face those fears. Tobias' head peeks over the edge, his eyes gazing curiously at me. Before he can ask anything however, the door clicks and swings open. Eric emerges from the outer shadows, a bruise slightly visible under his lips. I internally smirk.

He looks back and forth coldly between me and Tobias, trying to comprehend what he just walked into.

**"You're alive,"** he says icily.

**"Apparently,"** Tobias replies, not bothering to mimic Eric's austerity. **"Ever heard of knocking?" **His voice is caustic. They stare at each other for long moments before Eric averts his attention to me. Tobias turns over on his other side so he's facing the wall, attempting to appear apathetic. The gashes on his back, though still bright red, look more solid and dry.

**"Hey Stiff,"** Eric calls lowly at me. I'm about to ask which one, but I decide it's better to stay quiet. Tobias doesn't move. **"Come to my office."**

I glare defiantly at Eric before picking myself up.** "Four, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone," **I tell him. He doesn't look or say anything except raise his arm slightly and give me a dismissive wave. Is he scared of Eric? I glance one last time over my shoulder before closing the door behind me. He still hasn't moved.

* * *

Eric's office is simple. There's a desk, a computer, and a shifty filing cabinet in the corner topped with a single picture frame.

**"So what is this about? Another guard duty?"** I say, crossing my arms irritably. Eric just shoots me an icy look. It doesn't matter. I'm not scared and he's knows it. That's why he has a bruise on his jaw.

He ignores my question. **"What were you doing with Four?"** His voice, like always, sounds like a tyrant.

**"Nothing."**

**"Don't give me that," **he growls menacingly. His hand quickly seizes my arm and slams me against the wall. The sudden impact knocks the breath out of me, forcing my knees to wobble. Before I can regain my balance, however, his fingers grab a hold of my chin and force my eyes to meet his. He pinches his lip, his eyes trying to search for another way to intimidate me. I don't let him think it worked.

**"Who cares?"** I spit back. **"Just tell me what you want so I can leave."**

His eyes are hot with rage. His palm smacks against a space on the wall next to my head. He leans in, coating my face with angry breath.** "Watch yourself, Stiff," **he says coldly before pulling away. With only a few inches between us, I feel my space being invaded, threatened. I shuffle to the side, trying to widen the distance.

** "Listen here. ****Four possesses important responsibilities despite not being in a government position such as mine,**" he starts, narrowing his eyes at me. **"Can't have him distracted, now can we?"**

**"Oh yeah?" **I say, observing my nails.** "What kind of responsibilities?" **As nonchalant as I sound, the question has been tugging at my head since the moment Tobias came back.

**"He's a Dauntless spy over at the Abnegation quarters."** I stop and look blankly at him, which causes him to grin triumphantly. The scars and the bruises he had when he returned to Dauntless were because of_ that_? Fear starts to rise in my back, eliminating any lazy bend. Are they already at some undercover war? And Tobias is_ aiding_ the destruction of Abnegation? But what about the whole thing with Peter? What about my family?

_What about me?_

**"I don't believe you,"** I breathe sourly.

He shrugs, smirking. **"You don't have to." **He turns his back to me and starts organizing papers. **"You'll figure it out, since you're sleeping with him and all."**

I scoff angrily and start heading for the door when he calls after me,** "By the way, I'm going to need you to train this year's initiates."**

* * *

**"Why did Eric need you?" **Tobias asked as I let myself in.

**"He said I needed to train this year's initiates." **I let the door close behind me, but I don't move a step further towards him. Now there's something unsafe about him. Something untrustworthy.

**"Tris, what's wrong?"** His voice is soft, sensing my rigidness. I'm tempted by his warmth, but kept back by Eric's words. **"Don't say it's nothing,"** he says, already anticipating my thoughts. I never realized that I was just as secretive at him.

**"You're a Dauntless spy,"** I say slowly, staring at the ground. **"You're helping them kill Abnegation."**

He doesn't say anything. He just looks at me, uncertainty painting his face. And it hurts.


	10. Afterwards

**I'm going to be a copycat today. ;u; I know there's a lot of writing like this in the Divergent section of fanfiction, but I thought I'd try it out briefly so please forgive me! ;=;**

**special shoutout to katraj for inspiration-she writes very good suspenseful divergent fanfiction and y'all should read it and favorite it because i mean I don't really have to tell you just read it. Anyways, she owns most of the ideas in this chapter.**

**also omg thank you for the follows and the reviews and oh lord ;_; you guys have no idea how excited I get when I get an email saying I got a new follower or review or favorite **

* * *

**"Answer me,"** I demand, shaking. I can't stand the silence. I can't stand the sound of my heartbeat echoing through the room. I want Tobias to shake his head at me and tell me Eric was kidding. That Eric was just being a bully. But he doesn't. Instead, he wears an expression I can't quite understand: his lips are slightly open as if they are apologizing, but his eyes are conflicted like crashing waves.** "I said-"**

**"I know, I know, Tris,"** he breathes sharply. He gives me a painful look. **"I killed some people from both sides." **

I don't know how to respond. He killed Abnegation and Dauntless. If Eric found out, that would ultimately lead to his body being thrown into the Chasm.** "But why?"**

**"Why?" **he repeats absently. He's quiet for a few moments. Hesitant. I hear him grunt as he props himself up with one hand, so that he's sitting up stiffly. Then he throws his legs over the edge of the bed and slowly stands up, taking a step forward. Instinctively I take a step back until eventually, my back hits the wall and I'm trapped between its surface and his body. I put my hands against his chest to stop him from coming nearer, but he stays firm, the warmth of his skin spilling onto mine.

He leans in closer and shuts his eyes, dropping his forehead weakly onto my shoulder before whispering, **"They were going to hurt you if I didn't."**

His arms slide around me, his hands clutching handfuls of my shirt. I feel the heavy breaths sinking into my neck. He feels guilty, and I start to wonder why he let himself fall off the railing with Peter yesterday. _Actually_, I think, _I don't want to know_.

**"Who did you kill?"** I ask, my hand sliding through his hair. The anger in me has died down and in its place, fear wells up in my stomach.

His lips press against my bone, air sliding through his teeth. **"I'm not sure about Abnegation, but I hit some of the Dauntless soldiers." **Knowing the Abnegation, they'd probably do little against the power of Dauntless. I wouldn't be surprised if I saw those people already replaced with new Abnegation members at the Choosing Ceremony.

Then I remember. **"My dad?"** I utter the question so quietly I almost can't hear myself.

**"I protected him. He's safe."** He pauses. **"For how long, I don't know."**

I sigh, relieved. I've heard enough.** "Let's talk about something else."**

* * *

After that, our conversation took on a turn to little things, unimportant things, and eventually it recovered its playful light.

He went back to bed and I lied down next to him until I had to leave for work—to comfort myself or to comfort him, I'm not sure. We didn't say much; actions traded for words. He slid his arm under my neck and snuggled his face into my hair while I twisted into the mold of his skin, the heat between us growing too warm for the blanket. We stayed like that. Just like that for another hour. Then I had to leave.

Something replaced my fear of Tobias. The cold of my dread found a spark and ignited into a burst something like a flame. Something more dauntless.

* * *

A couple uneventful days pass, and Tobias has healed at incredible rate. Now he's able to walk without any support, but he still needs to lean on whatever railing or wall he can grab onto every now and then.

**"Tris!"** Christina calls to me as I leave work. I'm exhausted from boredom. Not a single customer today. **"Tris, we're playing Candor or Dauntless and I demand you come play with us."**

**"Play with us? Who's _us_?"** I ask suspiciously. This game is dangerous. Very dangerous. I played one time and not only did I get worn down to my underwear, I ended up getting trapped in a deep ditch in the floor for two and half hours with _Zeke _who was just about naked. I shudder.

**"You'll see,"** she grins. I don't trust her, but I don't have a choice. She wraps her hand in mine painfully tight and drags me quickly to the Pit where the bunch sits in a circle with a broken glass bottle in the center.

**"Christina,"** I hiss. **"You could've at least let me put on a couple layers first."**

She snorts. **"Quit whining, you'll be fine."**

I frown. It's the same group as the first time I played this. Uriah, Lynn, Zeke, and Marlene sit off to my right, while Christina and Will sit affectionately to my left. What I find especially creepy is Lynn, who smiles wickedly at me with eager eyes. I eye her back, trying to return her stare but fall weakly under her menace.

**"Let's go!"** yells Christina, seizing the broken bottle and whirling it around. Little glass shards fly at our feet.

The bottle points at Uriah. **"Alright, Uriah,"** Zeke starts with smirk, **"Candor or Dauntless?"**

**"Dauntless,"** Uriah retorts with his chin high. His pride may be his downfall.

**"Give Lynn a smooch."**

**_"What,"_** Lynn cries. **"Ugh no, he isn't my type."**

Uriah doesn't hesitate. He turns and leans towards her, but she instinctively leans back, threatening,** "I am _not_ kissing you." **He doesn't stop advancing.** "Uriah—" **she warns again, but too late. His lips press against hers. She jerks her face away and scowls angrily, throwing a fist at him but Uriah blocks it with an effortless laugh. Watching them, I can easily see why they were ranked the way they were during initiation—Lynn in her anger is powerful and agile, while Uriah is calm and tactical. The two clash, and Uriah tops her only slightly.

Repulsed, Lynn wipes her arm across her mouth and spits. Christina grabs the bottle again with a sly grin and spins it. It lands on Will. I think everyone knows where this is heading.

**"Candor or Dauntless?"**

Will's mouth scrunches to one side in contemplation before he answers, **"Candor." **

We all gasp sarcastically, Christina's voice rising above the stifled laughter. **"What's something you haven't told me?" **

Will immediately bites his lip, his mind searching for the safest secret. Gradually, he takes her hand and kisses it, then looks deeply into her eyes. **"I ate the last candy bar," **he admits with a crooked smile.

**_"What?"_** Christine laughs, smacking the side of his head. **"You pig! I have to sneak into the Erudite quarters for those." **Such luxuries were not available in Dauntless because we have to eat healthy, so people like Christina steal them from the Erudites. Erudites believe tiny bits of chocolate each day helps the mind, but it's a myth I've never believed.

**"Weaaaaakkkk,"** croons Uriah, taking the bottle and spinning it. A bigger glass shard flies and slices a shallow cut across Lynn's arm. She brushes it off.

The bottle lands slightly to the left of Zeke and of course, he and Marlene race to point at each other.

**"I say Zeke,"** Christina declares. Everyone nods in agreement, and Zeke doesn't protest. **"I dare you to do seven minutes in heaven with Tris." **

I look around, relieved. There isn't a closet in the Pit. Before I can state this however, Christina grins,** "Do it in her room." **I narrow my eyes at her. At least Tobias isn't around. As much as I don't want to do it, I have to be brave and this somehow, in someway constitutes courage.

I start to get up, but stop when I see Zeke throw off his shirt, surrendering. Everyone ganders at his muscly bare chest then looks away. Except Uriah. Uriah just looks triumphantly at him.

**"Alright then..."** Christina says, her tone forming into a question. She spins the bottle. It lands on me.

**"Dauntless,"** I say.

Lynn cries out with a malicious grin, attracting the attention of the circle. **"I dare you to eat whipped-cream off of Uriah's belly."**

I stare blankly at her. **"Where are you going to get whipped-cream?"** I've never tasted it because anything sugary is considered self-indulgent in Abnegation, but I've seen it before because of the cakes Amity would present at ceremonies.

Lynn pulls out a red can from under her shirt and shakes it vigorously. How did I not see that? **"Erudite has everything," **she laughs.

Uriah's cheeks are flushed. He looks at me curiously to see if I'm going to back out, but apparently he sees the determination in my eyes because he leans back and brings his shirt up so that it exposes his stomach, allowing Lynn to draw a spiral around his belly button.

I cautiously scoot towards him and get on my knees, the tension between us awkward. After tucking my hair behind my ear, I lean forward and take a lick. It's sweet and fluffy with an addictive aftertaste. I lick again, trying to ignore the stares. Worst of all, Uriah twitches wildly with my touch.

I hear footsteps behind me and a tired voice mumbling, **"What are you doing?"** before tugging on the back of my collar. Everyone is silent. I look up and freeze.


	11. I'm Yours

My eyes sink quickly to his chest. Tobias' face is painful to look at. I can't help but gurgle,**"I—"**

"**We're playing Candor or Dauntless,"** Christina says swiftly with a laugh. **"You should join us."**

"**Yeah," **joins Lynn. She gestures at Uriah with her thumb.** "Lover boy here already kissed me." **A resentful scowl occupies her face.

He shakes his head, gazing tiredly between Uriah and I. **"No thanks."** Then he pokes my head and says, **"Come on, Eric wants us."**

I glance back at the group before strolling away with him. Tobias' footsteps, once graceful, are now lethargic and uneven. He doesn't look at me. His eyes are distant, his mouth pinched tightly in thought as we travel in the darkness. Once we pass the Chasm however, he rests his hand on my shoulder and stops me next to a wide, but shallow crevice in the wall. I look around. We're alone.

"**What were you doing with Uriah?"** he asks quietly.

"**Eating whipped-cream off his stomach,"** I answer, trying to sound as indifferently as I can. The tone of my voice doesn't help. It was just as uncomfortable as it sounds.

"**Oh."** The light of nearby candles flickers behind him, making his face completely shaded. Even so, the iciness in his eyes pierces through it. I don't like it. It reminds me of Eric. **"Uriah would make a great Amity," **he says, slight bitterness coating his voice.

What? I bite my lip, unsure how to respond. Did he see Uriah give me a hug?

…Is he jealous?

I begin to ask, but stop when he reaches to push me with his fingertips so that my body falls gently against the wall. He steps forward towards me, trapping me between him and the rocky surface. His forearm, less deflated than three days ago, rests next to my head on the wall as he leans in and dunks his chin so that his forehead touches mine.

"**I hate being injured,"** he murmurs into my ear, his breath short and weary from walking. **"If I could…"** His voice trails off. He closes his eyes and gives a weak smile. **"I don't know what I would do." **

An exasperated sigh slips from his lips. He wraps his arms around me briefly and kisses my nose before releasing his grip. **"Let's go," **he mumbles, turning away from me.

I nod, shaking. I'm not satisfied with this. I know he's not either.

"**Are you jealous?"** I ask, following behind him.

"**Maybe,"** he says softly, not bothering to look at me.

I swallow my heart. I reach for his wrist and pull him back. I'm not scared. I don't want him to be jealous anymore. As soon he faces me, I stand onto my toes and force my lips against his, clutching his collar to secure our bodies together. He doesn't protest. Instead I feel his hand on the back of my head, locking me against him while his other hand entangles itself in my hair. His hands slide down my sides and grasp my waist.

Then he pulls away, panting lightly.

"**I'm yours,"** I say, my chest beating rapidly.

The blue in his eyes slide over me before he gives a short relieved laugh. He leans his head forward and breathes against my cheek.

"**And I'm yours." **

Then, he gives me one last kiss before slipping his hand into mine. We walk together like that for the rest of the time.

* * *

Before we enter Eric's office, Tobias lets his fingers slide away from mine and uses that hand to knock on the door.

Eric shifts his eyes at us suspiciously as we enter. **"About time."** His voice is rough and jagged. Sounds like he's in a bad mood.

He strides around his desk and stands in front of us, crossing his arms. I peer around him. The picture frame on the filing cabinet now lays shattered on the floor.

"**So, the initiates?"** Tobias asks, returning Eric's glare with an apathetic gaze.

"**We're going to execute it the same way as last year,"** says Eric. **"Except this time, I won't there to assist you."** Assist. Right. Because Tobias throwing knives at me or Christina almost plummeting into the Chasm really contributed to the benefit of the faction. **"So I'm trusting you…"** his eyes are locked on Tobias, **"to make sure we don't have any issues with our new instructor."**

"**I'm doubting it," **he replies with a smirk.** "She was ranked first for initiates last year, after all."**

I want to laugh. His reference to Eric's second rank at their initiation clearly upsets him, however, the fury in his eyes melts my giggles into dismissive silence. It's the same way he reacted when he lost Capture the Flag at my initiation, and now a cold chill runs up my spine. That probably means someone's going to get hurt soon.

They lock each other's stares for what seems like hours before Tobias asks, **"Is that it?"**

"**One last thing." **Eric turns away from us and returns to his chair, averting his attention to his computer.** "Keep your hands to yourself, or else there **_**will **_**be consequences."**

* * *

As Tobias closes the door behind him, he mutters quietly, **"As if I couldn't rip him apart."**

I shrug my shoulders. **"At least we get to work together,"** I say, smiling. I wrap my hand around his and kiss it.

He kisses mine back. **"Yeah."**

There's a week and a half before initiation starts again. It's time to get ready.

* * *

**Sorry for the short update! ): I have a major essay due on Friday at school, but I'll get back into the routine after that's turned in. **


	12. The Knife-Throwing Room

"**Dammit,"** I hiss sharply under my breath. My knife plunges awkwardly into the cork surface of the target which sits distantly on the other side of the room. I look to my right and see Tobias' target, the center circle filled completely with knives.

I groan, exasperated. He's not even fully healed from his injury. Somehow throwing knives enlivens him. **"How do you do that?"** I ask as he carefully flings another one. It pierces the center.

He doesn't respond. Instead, he continues to exhale as his arm returns slowly to his side. The he breaks his stare from the target and looks at me as if I'm an alien from some other faction. **"Want me to show you?"** he says.

"**Yes,"** I say, holding a knife towards him. He takes it and stands beside me, close enough that I can hear him breathe.

"**Your head is busy like mine," **he says. With his free hand, he takes my arm. Then he hunches over slightly, bringing his lips to my ear, **"You know, being Divergent and all." **His words tickle my skin He kisses my head before pulling away and slides his hand to mine which wraps tightly around a knife. His fingers pry mine open, letting the knife waver and dangle on my palm. **"Hold it stiffly so it doesn't waver. Put your thumb on the spine…"** my thumb slides to the small part of the knife. **"…and pinch it with your index finger."** I frown. Why didn't they teach us this when we were actually learning it? **"There are plenty of ways to hold a knife but this one works with lighter knives like these," **he continues, letting go of my hand.

"**Now watch me,"** he says quietly, facing the target. **"Inhale and watch the target. Exhale and throw."** He tosses the knife back and forth before gripping it. I see that his eyes are distant as he chest swells outward. His fingers twist, bringing the knife to point, and all at once, air flows from his lips as he thrusts the knife into the air. It punctures the center with a clean thud.

Okay. Sure. But he makes it look so easy.

I pinch the knife and stiffen my wrist. Breath flows in through my nose and fills my lungs with air as the target comes into view. I point the knife and exhale, throwing my arm forward. The knife slips from my fingers and flies, landing inches away from the center circle. I sigh.

"**Focus,"** he says simply. This isn't Tobias. This is Four.

I nod and bite my lip, tossing another knife into my sweaty hand. Inhale and watch the target. Exhale and throw. The knife hits closer, but not in the center circle.

Four touches my back with his fingers and straightens my spine, his metallic scent coating the air. **"You can do it," **he says. **"Let your head do the work. Your body will follow."**

I breath in again, staring at the target. I exhale. I inhale again, everything around me fading into black. The knife eases into place and points directly straight. I exhale.

The knife hits the center circle.

I turn to face Four, meeting his triumphant eyes with mine. He leans in and smiles. **"Not bad,"** he whispers with a sly smirk.

"**It wasn't so hard,"** I mumble with a small smile, tip-toeing to bring his lips to mine. It's only been around a week since he got back, but now it feels like he never left. **"I—"**

A piercing whistle nearby interrupts me. Tobias whips his head towards the entrance, spotting Peter and Molly standing next to the wall with dirty grins. The expression doesn't fit Peter, what with his arm in a sling.

"**Oh look, a pair of stiffs,"** Molly sneers. Peter smirks. They know about Tobias?

I step in front of him, guarding him, which might look ridiculous with my size compared to his. He doesn't say anything. Instead, he puts a hand on my shoulder, warning me or comforting me, I don't know.

"**What do you want?"** I say peevishly, folding my arms so the knife in my hand stays hidden.

Molly simply cackles, the folds of her jacket rippling with her body. That's weird. Jackets are uncommon in the Dauntless compound. I squeeze my lips together. They're close enough that I could easily impale Molly with a small throw.

"**Shut up, stiff,"** Peter growls at me. **"I could kill you in a heartbeat."**

"**You wanna bet?" **I shoot back, my fingers pinching the blade. In my head, I'm begging him to try. I've wanted him dead since I saw Tobias unconscious next to the Chasm.

I feel Tobias' grip on my shoulder tighten, telling me not to instigate anything. I groan.

"**It would be smart,"** Tobias says quietly, **"to let us leave, Peter." **He's trying to play it safe, but there's something dangerous lurking underneath the surface of their stares and I want to protect him from that.

"**No thanks," **he replies simply, shrugging his shoulders.** "You have the password to the Control Room computer and I want it."**

Tobias laughs bitterly. "**You're like an Erudite," **he bites.** "Sorry Peter, no means no." **I feel his hand pushing me forward and I start walking around Peter towards the door, but Peter steps in front of me.

"**I said I want it,"** he says slowly, nudging Molly with his arm. I know what's going to happen next. **"and I'm going to get it."**

Molly whips out a gun from her jacket as quickly as I touch her neck with my knife. She freezes, her eyes cold with hatred. My blood isn't cold. It's hot. It's boiling. I have a reason to be afraid, and I have a reason to be brave. Whatever information is in the Control Room is likely the line between life and death for the Abnegation.

"**Try me, doll-face,"** I hiss, pressing the point harder into her neck. Unlike me or Tobias, Peter and Molly are completely miserable cowards. I have to at least send her into the infirmary.

She pinches her lips. I hear the gun click as she quickly aims it at my foot. But before I can drive the knife in, I feel myself thrown backward. A loud bang echoes from the gun and a searing pain fills the side of my leg. I open my eyes and see Molly's arm tacked to the wall, a knife piercing through the sleeve of her jacket. Peter grunts and falls to the ground, doubled over. Tobias leans over him and drives a knife through a handful of Peter's shirt, pinning him to the wooden planks of the floor.

After grabbing the gun, Tobias hauls me upward onto my feet and grasps my arm, dragging me away.


	13. At the Infirmary Again

**EDIT: There is an edit to the chapter, added more stuff. ;u;**

* * *

I dream that I am lying a shallow puddle of rain where there are crows eating away at my leg. There is rain pouring, but I don't feel it. The sky is shades of black and gray merging together in swirls with little white birds flying around in heart and V formations. Caleb sits next to my head and stares down at me. **"Tris," **he whispers, rubbing my shoulder. **"Tris."**

"**Tris,"** I hear more clearly. I'm in an infirmary bed. I think. What happened? I try to move, swinging my legs over the bed, but the moment my feet touch the ground, my leg burns and stings. I lift myself back onto the edge, my head pounding.

"**Hold it, Tris,"** I hear Tobias say softly, his fingers pressing me against the bed. His eyes are stern and focused, his heavy breaths mixing with the air. I look around. The infirmary is dark. We are alone. Again.

"**What happened?"** I think aloud. My voice croaks, as if I just woke up in the morning. The murky picture of Peter pinned to the floor and Molly pinned to the wall plays in my head.

"**You got shot. But you're lucky because it only scraped you,"** he says with a weary laugh. **"Well, sort of." **His chest swells back and forth and he's hunched over, exhausted. He must've dragged me all the way here. I frown. Am I really that heavy? Or is he really that injured?

"**Tris,"** he says, brushing hair out my face. **"I'm going to do something I'm going to regret later."** He brings a cup to my lips and I let the liquid flow into my mouth. I cough violently. It tastes horrible, like poison seeping into my skin. It burns and it's acidic and…

…I want more.

"**What is—" **I hiccup.** "What is that?"** My voice is sluggish from sleep. My body begins to tingle as the liquid runs through my veins.

"**They don't have any more pain medication,"** he says, fiddling with the cup. He reaches behind him and pulls out a brown-tinted glass bottle. **"So I got you alcohol,"** he sighs regretfully, settling in a chair beside me. That's completely Dauntless of him. And it's hot. Is being drunk hot? I don't know. I giggle.

"**Ohhh,"** I say, my words dragging on. The world glides slowly, in a blur. **"Ohhhhh…"** I say again, lifting my hand in front of my face and observing it. A warm sensation is flowing through me and I feel dizzy. I've begged Tobias to take me drinking with him, but not like this. At least I don't think so. My memories are so distorted and fuzzy. I feel heat rushing through my cheeks.

"**Tobias,"** I call loudly, wrapping my arms him. Warmth grows in my stomach and I lick my lips. **"Tobiassss."**

"**What?"** he says softly, leaning in closer.

I hiccup. Another giggle dangles from my mouth. I stick my tongue out at him, **"Yuh shud gith meh a sthmoosh."**

"**A smooch? A kiss?"** He says laughing. **"I think I gave you too much of that stuff."**

I laugh too and smile big at him. He doesn't try to kiss me though, and I frown. **"Am I gonna get a kiss?"** I say with a slight swing. He shakes his head.

"**I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I did something to you right now,"** he says, his eyes skirting over my body. Hm? I strain my neck and lift my head, watching to see what he's talking about. My legs are bare and naked, except the scraped one, which is messily wrapped in bandages. My shirt hikes up slightly above my belly button, with my undies black with the darkness.

I snort. Oh well. **"Who cares?"** I laugh, grabbing his collar. I pull him down but his lips only press against my nose, not my lips. He forces himself away and looks at me with his big, pretty blue eyes. **"Did I ever tell—"** I hiccup. **"Ever tell you that your eyes are pretty? Because they are."** I giggle, feeling a warm bubble pop in my chest. **"Your face is so handsome," **I add, arousingly. He smiles and I try to reach for his face, but he dodges it.

"**Does anything hurt, Tris?"** His fingers tickle my arm.

"**Does what hurt?"** I ask, sorely confused.

"**Nothing,"** he says, shaking his head. His pretty eyes are distant. Tobias really is super handsome and super muscly. I poke his forehead, catching him off guard. **"Ah, God,"** he mutters under his breath. **"It must have been really strong for you."** He stands up from his chair and leans over me, taking my arms in his hands and pinning me against the bed.

"**Whoo hoo…!"** I say, grinning at him. Hiccup. He'll give me a smooch now.

He stares at me, his eye furrowed. Then he lets go.

And then he leaves. **"Awwwwwwwwwww…" **I groan, peering at the open door.

Minutes later, I hear footsteps approach me and I smile. **"To—"** I start, until I see a woman in a small black dress run towards me with open arms. That's not Tobias. Unless Tobias likes dressing up like a lady. I shrug.

"**Oh, Tris!"** Christina says, plopping down next to me. **"Four told me what happened and—"**

I reach up and pinch her nose, her voice momentarily nasally. She stares at me, completely silent. Then she laughs, **"Did they **_**drug **_**you? Four didn't tell me that." **She smirks, skimming me. **"That explains the sweat on his face."**

I just bite my lip and smile, playing with her hair. **"God, Christina,"** I say slowly. **"You're really hot."**

"**Ooookay!" **She says, throwing her hands up with a grin.** "Sorry, Tris. Taken. And speaking of taken…" **her eyes skim my legs.** "What did Four do to you?"**

I gasp.** "He didn't do anything!" **I whine.** "I wish he did."**

"**I wish I did too," **I hear him say quietly from the shadows. I didn't see him there.

"**Time to go to sleep, Tris," **he says.** "Close your eyes."**

And I do. When I open my eyes again, there's light in the room. In Tobias' room. Tobias sleeps peacefully next to me in his bed. My pants are still on, but there's a hole ripped into one of the sides.

"**Tobias…"** I say, shaking him.

His eyes flutter before he completely opens them and stares at me. **"Sorry, does your leg hurt?"** His voice is sluggish from sleep.

"**No…"** I say moving it slightly. **"Where's Christina? Is she still at the infirmary?"**

"**I don't know. Why would she be at the infirmary?"**

I frown.** "Because you took me there and made her watch me for you."**

He just looks at me with his eyes furrowed. He shakes his head. **"I took you straight to my room, Tris. I didn't take you to the infirmary."**

Then it was a dream? **"Oh," **I say, furrowing my brows. **"Oh."** There is a bitter taste in my mouth. It tastes like pain medication.

**"What?"** he asks. I decide I won't tell him that in my dream, he fed me alcohol in place of pain medicine. Instead, I avert my thoughts to my leg.

My fingers brush over the tear in my jeans and poke the scrape with the edge of my fingernail. I flinch, expecting it to sting, but instead a fierce burning sensation rises from the skin, and then gradually falls. Like in my dream, I was only scraped by the bullet.

**"What happened to Peter and Molly?"** I say. My voice sounds far away, trying to remember the events of the night. Tobias saved me again. I knew Peter wasn't a terrific person to begin with, but what is the information? What's in the Control Room? I try to concentrate on things Eric has said or the computers in the control room but nothing comes to mind. Would Tobias tell me if I asked him?

**"Well...I'm not sure about Molly, but Peter…"** his eyes shift to the ceiling. **"Peter is spending a few days in the infirmary."** He rolls onto his side, bringing his body closer to mine. I try to lean forward too so the gap between us is only inches wide.

Then it clicks. What I thought was a punch into Peter's abdomen was actually the stab of his knife. Tobias must've thrust the knife in only far enough to threaten him if Peter's going to be walking again soon. _Let your mind do the work,_ his words plays in my head, _and your body will follow. _Sometimes I forget the danger Tobias wears just by existing.

His fingertips brush my cheek.** "Promise me you're going to stop being reckless like that,"** he says quietly, closing his eyes.

**"What do you mean?"**

**"_I mean_ inviting people to shoot you. You don't know understand…" **He breathes with an exasperated sigh, **"You don't understand how much you scared me."**

**"I was just being brave," **I protest, but he presses his finger to my lips and leans in so his stern eyes are close and piercing into mine.

**"You were just being reckless," **he says in a low voice.** "That's not brave, Tris. It's suicidal."**

**"It's Dauntless," **I mutter against his finger.

His gaze hardens. Frustration flickers in his eyes.** "That doesn't apply to you. You're Divergent." **

I purse my lips. He's right. My head isn't confined to a single faction. And if Dauntless means being reckless, then that means I'm doing it by choice.

**"Promise me,"** he repeats, squeezing my arm. I nod, but he doesn't fall for it. **"Say it."**

I sigh and pull away from him.** "I promise," **I mumble, sliding under the blanket.

**"Good," **he says, kissing my forehead. We are silent after that, and eventually the only noise in the room is our heavy breathing.


	14. Instructor Initiation

**BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER:**

**Read the last chapter again, because I added more stuff at the end and some of the stuff won't make sense in this chapter if you don't read the stuff from the last chapter. Sorry! Also, sorry if this chapter is hard or laborious to read. ;_; And sorry for the late update, school has been getting in the way a lot, but hopefully the hype will die out by next tuesday.**

* * *

Four days until initiation.

This morning, I decided I would allow myself exactly six hours to limp on my leg, and then by seven hours, I'll force my scrape to hurt like nothing more than a big bruise. It's been four hours. I'm gritting my teeth as I touch Marlene's arm with a tattoo gun while Lynn and Uriah sit nearby, both racing to chug a bottle of water. The skin on my leg burns at the sight, screaming for the flames to be extinguished.

"**Hey Uriah,"** I call over, forcing the words through my teeth. It's probably not a good idea to tell them about last night's events. **"I fell down three flights of stairs and I need you to get me a pain pill."**

Uriah spits, spraying the floor with water.** "You **_**what**_**?" **

"**Aha, I win!" **Lynn laughs, punching Uriah in the arm. She turns to look at me and smirks. **"That's not the reason why you need a pill is it?" **I give her a confused look.** "You're tougher than that, Stiff. And more coordinated." **I don't look at her, because if I do, I'm afraid she'll see that I have "liar" written all over my face.

I shrug. **"Well, it happened."**

She snorts, but she doesn't push it. Uriah frowns at me with uncertainty before leaving the parlor, and Lynn puts her feet on his chair. I continue concentrating on Marlene's tattoo, sliding the gun around the surface of her back. **"So, why a door?" **I ask her. I see her smile in the mirror.

"**Because…" **She pauses.** "death is always on my back and I could be sent through that door at any time." **

Her response surprises me. It sounds ominous, like it shouldn't be coming from her mouth. She seems too sweet for it. It reminds me of my conversation with Tobias last night, reminding me that most Dauntless are reckless to the point of suicide. Lynn would definitely be like that, and so would Uriah. So would anyone I know really.

"**Right,"** I say, eyeing the door knob design.

When Uriah comes back, he has two pills in his hand. **"Oh,"** I say as he drops them into my palm. **"Two?"**

"**I ran into Four. He said you might need another one later today."**

"**Why?" **I pinch one of the pills and pop it into my mouth, eager for the pain to die out.

Uriah shrugs, waiting for Lynn to move her feet. She doesn't budge.** "He didn't say.** **Anything else you need, Tris?"** he asks, leaning against the wall. I shake my head, and he smiles. **"Don't be scared to ask, yeah?"**

Tobias was right. Uriah would make a good Amity. I stuff the other pill in my pocket, unsure of what Tobias means by this. Maybe it's more preparation for the Dauntless initiates. Either way, what's more disconcerting is that he expects I'm going to hurt.

"**Alright,"** I say, bringing the tattoo gun back. **"You're free to go."**

Marlene stands straight up and groans, stretching her arms out in front of her. **"Thanks," **she grins, twisting her neck to get a glimpse of her back in the mirror. I watch Lynn wrap an arm around her shoulder as they walk out the door. Uriah glances back at me one more time before following behind them. I wonder what they did after I left their game of Candor or Dauntless.

* * *

One kiss. Two kisses. Three kisses. Four. Five. _Six._

Lynn groans. **"Do you two ever split?"**

Christina snorts. **"No,"** she laughs, snuggling her forehead into the curve of Will's neck. I play with my toast, waiting for them to kiss again. It's weird, watching them. But it's not like before when I was jealous. This time, I feel like I'm looking for different ways to touch and kiss Tobias.

"**Hey Tris, check this out,"** I hear Marlene say next to me. When I face her, I see that she's waving her hands frantically, and I frown at her, unsure of what she's doing until I feel some strong hands squeeze my sides behind me. I jump slightly, an embarrassing squeal slipping from my lips. Laughing uncontrollably, I squirm, but the fingers keep tickling my sides until I finally decide to retaliate. I launch an elbow backward, trying to hit my perpetrator in the arm but he swiftly dodges it.

"**I didn't know you were ticklish."** Uriah laughs, letting go of me.

I glare at him. **"I'm not," **I say, turning to glare at Marlene too. I'm lucky I'm on pain medication because I banged my leg against the the leg of the table more than once.

"**No, you're not. You actually had bugs in your undies,"** says Lynn nonchalantly as she brings a cup of water to her lips. I flick a piece of food at her and she snorts. **"Don't even try, Stiff."**

Somehow I get lost in the laughter of the table. It's been a while since I've eaten with all of them. Zeke pulls out some cards from his pocket. **"Egyptian Rat Slap?"**

"**What's that?"** I ask.

"**I learned if from one of the fence guards. So you get a pile of cards and…" **While he explains the rules, I think about what it must be like, standing so close to the outside world. I've never gotten a chance to be a fence guard, what with being stuck in the tattoo parlor. It's not a glorified job like being a Dauntless leader, but it must be a lot different than staying in the compound.

"**So that's the jist of it,"** Zeke finishes, nodding towards everyone. **"You want to play?"**

Everyone nods back (Lynn with a menacingly eager grin), except me. I forgot to listen. **"I'll watch,"** I say quickly.

After a good fifteen minutes, Egyptian Rat Slap turned out to be just as violent as it sounds, the characteristic of Dauntless only intensifying it. Everyone's hands are red, and some are even cut, but no one at the table seems to mind. I remain a bystander, observing the cafeteria as it empties out. That is, until I see Eric emerge through the doors of the Dining Hall, his eyes locking immediately with our table. I watch him as he strides towards us, biting my lip.

"**Tris, Uriah."** Eric gestures at us to follow him, and we look at each other as we rise from our seats, confused.

Eric leads us through the passages until we reach an unfamiliar door. It's wooden and creaky, making it stand out from the more modern look the compound exhibits. **"This is your final preparation for the new initiates,"** Eric says apathetically, opening the door. Uriah didn't tell me he was going to be initiate instructor. But I guess I didn't tell him I was going to be one either. We walk in, finding benches on either side illuminated by the dim glare of a few candles on the wall. The room is small, and there is a door directly across from the entrance which I suspect leads into a bigger, more important room. Tobias sits on one of the benches next to Lauren, but he doesn't look at me. His stare is locked on his shoes.

"**There are two parts to this test,"** Eric says, facing Uriah and I. I suppose Tobias and Lauren have already gone through this. **"The first part is a type of simulation, different than your fear landscape. In the second part…"** Eric's lips curl. **"You will fight one of your fellow instructors."**

Uriah glances at me, then Tobias and Lauren, a trace of surprise coating his face. I wasn't expecting that either. I'm not a fan of fighting any of them.

"**And what if we lose?"** I ask. It's not like Dauntless initiation where someone gets kicked out if they don't rank high enough. There's not enough instructors for that.

"**It's not about winning or losing. It's simply preparing you." **Eric's face is hidden in the shadows but there is a sadistic eagerness in his voice that makes me shudder. This is the ruthlessness of Dauntless.

Tobias inhales sharply. I've never seen him look so nervous before.


	15. The Initiation (Part One)

**OH GOD HELLO THIS IS A LONG CHAPTER BE PREPARED**

* * *

Tobias sits slumped on the bench, his gaze fixed icily on the floor. Lauren simply smiles. **"No hard feelings, right?" **she says to me and Uriah. We both nod back. It feels like Dauntless initiation again, only this time, it's indiscriminate towards age difference and faction origin. Or maybe the aptitude test, where I'm waiting for my name to be called and Caleb sits next to me with his hands sweaty from nervousness.

"**Uriah," **Eric says, emerging from the simulation room.

I feel Uriah stand up beside me, squeezing my shoulder as he rises. He winks at me before striding away and I smile back, until I notice Tobias shifting his eyes between us, his cold stare piercing through the darkness. When Uriah disappears through the door, Tobias gets up and plops down next to me, a heavy sigh rumbling under his breath. I let my body lean lazily into his, my fingers sliding around his hand. He squeezes back and buries his face in my hair.

"**Do you still have that pain pill?"** He whispers, his breath tickling my ear. I pull the pill from my pocket and hold it next to his eyes. **"Okay, good." **He hasn't mentioned anything about us two fighting, but there is a sturdiness in voice that implies it's on his mind.

**"What about your back?**" I ask.

**"Don't worry about my back,"** he says quietly.

"**Did you know that instructors were supposed to fight each other?" **

He nods. **"I had to fight Eric last year."** That sounds gruesome. There is no doubt that Tobias won, but there is also no doubt that Eric didn't give in until he was a bloody mess on the floor.

My eyes meet Lauren's. The friendliness that occupied her face minutes before has died away. She doesn't say anything. The rings in her eye brow glitter in the candle light as she averts her gaze to Tobias, back to me, and then to the wall behind us.

After five minutes of sitting in silence, Tobias rubs my back quickly, and then slides his body a good five feet away on the bench. Uriah should be about done now, and Tobias is probably playing it safe by not letting Eric see us being intimate. Lauren observes the distance. **"You ready, Four?"** she says, suddenly uplifted.

He gives her a crooked grin, his mouth curling in a way I've never seen before. **"Yeah,"** he responds. The simulation room door creaks open and Uriah slides out slowly, settling next to Lauren on the bench. I look up and find Eric's gaze on Tobias. They stare at each other, refusing to exchange words. Tobias gets up and walks through the door, Eric following steadily behind him. The door shuts with a slam, leaving behind a dead silence.

It's only a matter of minutes before Tobias emerges through the door again, but his expression fails to wear the confidence he had going in. It's strange. Uriah has been absolutely motionless since he came out, and as Tobias places himself on the other side of my bench, I see that his eyes are distant. This time, Eric doesn't bother to call someone. Lauren stands up before I do and closes the door behind her.

All of this is making me nervous, and I wipe my hands on my pants. When Lauren opens the door again, there's a slight tremor in her hand. She nods at me, but quickly looks away at her fingers, then at her spot on the bench. She sits down.

Eric sticks his head out the door. **"Stiff." **Here we go.

I pick myself up quickly and head in.

The blue walls light up and illuminate the room. It's more light than I've seen for a while, and I shield my eyes from it momentarily. Eric walks around a desk and leans over it, bringing his face closer to the computer. Then he looks at me as he slides an injection needle into his hand. Blue serum bubbles inside of it.

I tilt my head and expose my neck, waiting for him to pierce me with it, but he just stands there.

"**What?" **I say, frowning at him.

"**When was the last time you visited the fear landscape?"** Eric says, rubbing his thumb carefully over the needle.

"**Why?"** Is this something that he needs to know? Would it be dangerous to tell him?

"**Just answer the question,"** he growls.

I roll my eyes. **"Recently."**

"**Then this shouldn't be too hard for you," **he says plainly**.** As if he brings the needle over and pokes me in the neck with it. I look around. There's isn't a chair in the room to lie down on. But before I can ask him, the world slips from under me, and I collapse to the ground.

* * *

When I open my eyes, I am struggling to remember how I got here. A breeze slides over my face and my fingers coil around blades of grass.** "Stiff?"** I hear. A strong hand shakes my shoulder. **"Stiff?" **I roll over, but immediately shrink away from the face that sits inches from mine. It's Peter. I back up quickly, trying to keep the distance between us.

He furrows his brows, shaking his head at me. **"Quit your bawling."**

"**Where are we?" **I shoot back. He shrugs. I groan, picking myself off the ground and surveying the surroundings, but it only confuses me. I see fields of grass and flowers stretching out for miles wide. **"You know, of all people I'd get lost with…"** I say sourly, taking off my long sleeved shirt. **"How did I end up getting stuck with you?" **

He turns away.** "Shut up," **he growls over his shoulder. I listen to the sound of his footsteps become distant.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see something black ruffle about in the grass. I turn around to tell Peter but he has already walked too far to hear me, so I proceed alone. It's only after thirty seconds of approaching that I realize it is a cluster of crows swarming the area.

Right. Crows. I keep going, shaking off the chills. "_**You're so brave, Tris,"**_ I mutter, repeating Tobias' words. I must be in a simulation, but I don't remember how. But this is a different kind of simulation and it's not relieved by simply calming down. There's more to it than that.

Crows flap frantically around me, all of them diving into a growing ball of chaos. Their feathers swirl in the air and I try to swat them away, until I notice an arm sticking out at the bottom of the ball of crows. It's pale and thin, and after I push my way through the chaos, I hold it. The fingers fall limply and dead, forcing me to shudder. I look up. More of the body is uncovered by the crows, revealing bruises and scrapes on the skin until finally, I see blonde hair peek out from the blackness. Is…that me?

No. The glassy green eyes imply it's my mother.

"**Mom…"** I say slowly, reaching for her face. **"Mom."** My voice is louder, but she doesn't move. What was I expecting? She's…dead. My chest grows thick and I kneel beside her, trying to ignore the crows. How long has it been since I've touched her or seen her? I settle her arm back onto the grass and slide my hand over her eyes. This has always been something I was afraid of. That my fears would eventually kill my family. The crows aren't screaming like they usually do in my fear landscape, though. In fact, they are eerily quiet.

"**Who's that? Another stiff?"** I hear Peter say behind me.

"**Does it matter?"** I say, rising to my feet. I look around. The crows are gone.

"**Of course it does." **That's not Peter's voice.

My eyes whip around, finding Jeanine standing in Peter's place. She smiles at me. My first instinct is to lunge, but my second instinct is to wait. I concentrate, trying to will a gun into my back pocket. _Come on, Tris, _I think,_ Head first, body will follow._

"**Divergent are always so attached to their original faction,"** she says, approaching me. I do not back away. **"They are especially attached to their old family members." **Before I realize it, she whips out a gun from behind her and shoots my mother's corpse with a loud bang. I freeze. I can't breathe. My mother, dead only seconds before, is now alive with blood. Her eyes fling open and she twitches, terrible moans rising from her mouth.

This is a simulation. _This is simulation._** "What are y—" **

"**Interesting," **Jeanine says coldly, staring at me. She aims the gun again and squeezes the trigger, sending another bullet into my mom. A sick snapping sound fills the air and my mother screams. In the real world she would be dead, but right now she only suffers until I leave the simulation. Stop. Stop. Stop.

The weight of a gun forms in my hand and I draw it hastily at Jeanine, but she only shakes her head and smiles. **"Tsk,tsk, Tris,"** she croons, averting her eyes to my mom. My heart beats rapidly as I look back at my mother's corpse, biting my lips at the sight of her. But when I turn back around, Tobias stands in Jeanine's place. He breathes just barely, his expression blank and senseless.

"**Tobias?"** I whisper.

He doesn't respond. The gun rises and points at me. **"Drop your weapon,"** he says.

I stare at him blankly. A cold hand wraps around my ankle, forcing chills to run up my spine. **"Tris,"** my mother croaks. Her mouth gurgles. **"Oh, Tris—"**

"**Drop your weapon!" **Tobias yells, shifting his gun towards my mother. Why is he being like this? **"It's you or her," **he says icily. I let the gun slide from my fingers and step to the side, standing between him and my mom. He can kill me. If he did, everyone here would be put out of their misery. He approaches me slowly and kicks the gun so it's out of my reach. He's only a foot away before he presses his gun to my neck.

I gulp, trying to return his stare. His lips are pinched and his eyes are wild like Eric's, hungry for blood. There is something so wrong about this.

"**This..."** I say, shaking. **"This isn't the Tobias I know. Where is he?"**

He breathes sharply, driving the gun harder into my neck. I try again. **"I said, where—"**

I feel the gun pull away, and in its place his hand quickly grasps around my neck with unbelievable strength, forcing me to my knees. I stumble, trying to fight back. He is too strong, and I feel my back smack the grass next to my mom. She coughs up blood, wheezing.

"**Your Tobias is non-existent. **_**Your mom**_** is dead,"** he growls. **"And I killed her."**

_No_, I remind myself. _My family is safe_. Tobias protected them. He did, didn't he? I manage a choked breath.** "She isn't…dead." **The air is fading out of my lungs, straining my voice.

Tobias leans over me and sends a powerful punch into my stomach, forcing me to gasp violently for air. A horrific numbness travels through my body.** "She is," **he repeats with a cruel curl to his lips. My hands pathetically reach up to touch his arm. This may be Tobias' body, but he embodies Eric's brutality. Eric must be manipulating my simulation. He jerks away, giving me a rigid expression**. "And you're next."**

The sound of a gunshot pierces the air. Something rips through my chest and only a deep blackness surrounds me.


	16. The Initiation (Part Two)

**GOOD LORD IT'S BEEN SO LONG I AM SO SORRY**

**school's over finally though so woot flipping woot yes**

* * *

I wake up to sweaty hands and the blue light of the simulation room. The floor feels hard and cold under me. My hand glides to my chest where I was shot, but the clothing is still intact. No holes. I prop myself up to stare at Eric who's observing some papers.

Tobias just shot me.

"**What was the point of that?"** I heave.

"**There are more things to fear than just getting physically hurt,"** he says, without looking at me. **"Such as betrayal and loss. This simulation measures how you deal with it."**

I shakily stand up and pat the dust off my shirt. **"That seems oddly emotional for a Dauntless simulation,"** I breathe.

"**That's because it's not."** He drops the papers coldly onto the desk. **"It's an Erudite simulation."**

I frown. **"What are we doing using Erudite simulations in the Dauntless compound?"**

"**That's classified information."** He walks past me to open the door. I follow behind him. When I emerge, Tobias looks up from his hands to stare at me with concern. I settle down on the bench next to him and wipe my palms on my pants. In the shadows, Tobias slides his fingers across my back, rubbing gentle circles. I sigh with his touch.

Eric gestures us to follow him into another door across the simulation room. **"Uriah and Lauren, you're fighting first," **Eric says, folding his arms. That means Four and I are fighting. Of course. I can't imagine a world where Eric wouldn't take an opportunity to make us fight. Lauren and Uriah look at each other, walking next to each other as we follow Eric.

He leads us into a room completely made out of cement. The cement floor is stained with dry splotches of blood from past fights. Despite there are no windows, a chill in the room makes me shiver.

I waver to the side with Tobias, watching Lauren and Uriah circle each other.

Tobias leans slightly towards my ear. **"Do we have some sort of plan?"** he whispers.

"**What? Are you scared?"** I giggle sarcastically, trying to erase his concern. **"Afraid I'm going to beat you up?"**

He sees right through it and frowns. A short laugh pops from his lips though, and he lifts his hand to slide hair out of my face. **"I'm terrified,"** he smiles weakly. When Eric turns his back, Tobias quickly kisses my forehead.

A loud grunt echoes from the center of the room. Lauren is straddling Uriah, who's fighting violently under her. Her fist smashes like lightening three times into his cheek, but even then, Uriah manages to throw her onto her back and take the top position. Uriah sends one punch into her face before Lauren shoves him off her. They scramble to stand up, beginning to circle again, but more slowly—more cautiously. Blood drips down both of their faces.

They move quickly in a blur. Suddenly, Uriah is doubled over. Lauren rapidly wraps her hands around the back of his neck and whips her knee into him twice, forcing him to collapse. He makes a guttural sound, trying to gasp for air, but he's cut short when Lauren kicks him swiftly in the stomach, making him roll onto his back. She presses her foot again his ribcage. Uriah sets his jaw, staring defiantly at her, but his breathing is growling and uneven.

"**Is this enough Eric?"** Lauren says quietly, pressing her foot further into Uriah chest. A subtle grunt slips from Uriah as he grits his teeth harder. I don't think I've ever seen Uriah in a situation like this.

For some reason Eric looks at Tobias and I before answering her. **"Yeah," **he says.

Wow. I didn't know he was that eager to see Tobias beat the living shit out of me.

Tobias squeezes my shoulder hard and lets his fingers slide down my back before we walk into the center. Lauren walks out with Uriah stumbling beside her.

"**Good…luck…"** Uriah breathes to me as he passes. He gives a weak smile.

I breathe. Pretty sure I'll need it. The pain medication on my leg is beginning to wear off. I just have to make sure Tobias doesn't notice.

Tobias stands across from me, expressionless, with his arms bent slightly at his sides. I don't know if it should scare me that he's surrendering his emotions for something else before he fights me.

I can feel Eric's eyes burning holes into my back. I nervously think back to initiation, to all the things Tobias taught me.

I grit my teeth.

Then I charge, aiming my elbow to his stomach. Tobias is motionless, watching me, as far as I can tell. He dodges easily and grabs ahold of my arm, immediately twisting it backwards. I inhale sharply. If there's one thing I should've realized, it's that he's unbelievably strong and unbelievably quick. I try to grind a kick into him somehow with my uninjured leg, but he snatches it with his other arm and lifts me off the ground.

His dark eyes lean close to my mine, close enough that I can hear his anxious breathing. **"You're going to have to do better than that, Tris**," he says quietly, dropping me coldly onto the floor. I struggle to get up but he jabs his foot into my side, forcing me to roll over onto my back. Even now, he's playing mercy. And I hate it. He watches me carefully, looking for the safest spot to kick me.

Gasping, I clutch his wrist before he can react and twist it like he did with mine. It works only for a second, but long enough to get into a position where I can lunge and smash my elbow into his chest. He huffs just barely with the impact, prying my hand off and backing away.

"**Come on, already**," I hear Eric yell impatiently. **"Fight!"**

_Ugh._ A waver of irritation and pain paints Tobias' face, but only for a moment. Then his blue eyes become glassy again.

He sighs. Then his lips curl into a small smile.** "What are you waiting for?"** he taunts.

Whatever decision Tobias just made for himself, I don't like it. But I don't stop to wait. I throw a punch at his chin, but he doesn't move—he just closes his eyes and takes the impact. He head whips to the side and he stumbles backwards, wiping his arm across his mouth. There's a tiny bit of blood—enough to make me feel guilty.

I try again, desperately wanting the fight to be over, but he ducks quickly and seizes my leg, lifting my foot so high that I fall on my back. He sits on top of me, his weight crushing the air in my stomach. My legs kick wildly, but Tobias' heaviness makes them immobile. He stares at me as my hands push against his chest, not budging even a little bit. His lips purse inward and he punches my cheek, softer than I was expecting. I am convinced if Tobias were fighting for real, I would be nearly dead right now.

I've never felt so weak and _it frustrates me_.

"**What are you waiting for?"** I mimic irritably. **"Knock me out."**

He shakes his head, his eyes freezing over with anger.** "I wish I could." **He whispers so quietly and so menacingly I don't think Eric heard him. But before I can even attempt to hit him again, he takes my wrists with one hand and pins them against the floor. Now I'm completely trapped under him. I inhale sharply and shut my eyes, waiting for the sting of another punch.

Instead, I feel his hand brush hair out of my face. I open my eyes. His lips press against my forehead and his weight lightens off my body. He stands up slowly, glaring at Eric.

"**I'm conceding,"** he says simply.

A terrifying scowl coats Eric's face. **"What?"**

"**Did I fucking stutter?"** Tobias folds his arms irritably. **"I said I'm conceding."**

Eric steps forward towards Tobias, his eyes shifting at me. **"See, Tris? Emotions…" **he growls, taking another step. **"…separate the cowards from the dauntless."**

A horrible grunt spills from Tobias' mouth as he seizes a handful of Eric's collar and punches his face. Eric's cheek twists with his knuckles, forcing him to stumble back.

"**That's right," **Tobias hisses, approaching him quickly. **"You are the most disgusting coward on the face of this earth."** Eric backs away with pure hatred and rage in his eyes. He tries to punch him back, but Tobias stops his arm inches before it reaches him. Tobias leans in, snarling into his face.** "Only **_**a fucking robot**_** would enjoy forcing a six foot three man beat a five foot three girl until she's nearly dead."**

The words pinch at me, but I am too immersed in Tobias' rage to care. I have seen him irritated, never furious.

Tobias throws Eric violently into the wall before ripping the door open and slamming it loudly behind him. I raise my eyebrows at Uriah and Lauren who looked completely stunned, then to Eric who's heaving angrily towards the door. I try to ignore Eric's glare as leave the room to follow Tobias.

* * *

Tobias lies face down into his bed when I walk into his room. He glances at me, then rolls onto his side so he's facing the wall. **"What was that?"** I sigh, settling next to his back.

"**I hate his guts,"** he murmurs over his shoulder. **"I've wanted to punch him ever since I got back. He's lucky he isn't dead right now."**

Tobias hair is ruffled and dark in the shade of his lamp. He body tremors slightly with anger and his fist are still clutched.

"**It's not just that, is it?" **I frown, rubbing his shoulder. **"You saw something in your simulation you didn't like either, didn't you?"**

He's silent for a moment.** "I…" **he breathes painfully.** "I killed you. I let fall you over the edge of a building."**

I shrug.** "It's okay. It's just a simulation."**

"**No, you don't understand." **He rolls over again and stares at me, his blue eyes meeting mine.** "Tris, I don't know what I'd do without you. Alive. With me." **He sighs and closes his eyes. **"I'd rather die."**

"**Don't say that."**

"**It's true, and there's nothing you can do about it,"** he says flatly, propping himself upward. He rubs my cheek with his thumb. I don't know how to respond, so I touch my lips to his as hard as I can. Immediately he sighs, and presses even harder against me. His arms slide around my back and hold me tightly against him, while my hands tangle themselves in his hair.

"**Wait,"** he mumbles, his breath gliding onto my tongue. **"What was in your simulation?"**

I shrug carelessly and try to kiss him again but he pulls away. **"Tris."**

I groan barely, my gaze dropping to his chest. **"You shot me."**

Tobias' eyes become startled.** "I **_**what**_**? Where?" **

"**Uh." **My hand awkwardly floats over my boobs.** "Over here somewhere."**

"**I'm sorry," **he says quietly, bringing his lips to the area above my chest. **"I'm so sorry."**

"**It wasn't you. It was a simulation you," **I shrug. **"You shot my mom though too. Said you killed her."**

Tobias is silent after that. His eyes become distant and suddenly I feel really uncomfortable. **"But you didn't kill her so it's okay. You said my family was alright,"** I say quickly.

He doesn't respond.


	17. The Train Ride

There it is—that painful silence again.

**"Tobias..."** My voice rises.

Some mixture of rage and anguish begins to pulsate through my blood. I am losing control.** "What happened to my mom? What happened to my family?!"** I shout, shoving him away from me. The arm propping him up collapses and he falls against the pillow.

For a moment, I watch his face weaken with confliction. The words barely make it out of his mouth. **"You know I could never hurt you if I had the choice."**

**"What did you do!?" **But the moment the question comes out, I wish I could take it back. I don't want to hear his answer. The chance that my family is dead because of the person I held closest to me is unbearable. He looks at me straight in the eye, and I can't help but look away.

**"Tris, they were going to hurt you—"**

**"I trusted you," **I breathe shakily. No, this can't be happening. It can't. I try to fight back hot tears. **"I trusted you!" **I scream, beating a fist on his chest. His body barely takes the impact, seeming to solidify into stone at my outburst. Even when I hit him again, he doesn't stop me, and I can feel every bone and limb in my body aching for him to. **"You should've let them kill me."**

His eyes dampen with miserable guilt.** "Tris." **

It's too much. Tears run down my cheek one by one, and I stand up and distance myself from him, leaning against the door. After all this time, he has known and I try to remember back when he first returned to the compound, back to those first signs of trouble.** "How long was it going to take you to tell me?" ****  
**

He purses his lips.

I know. No one is ever ready to hear that their family was killed by the one person they trusted the most. For me, it was the fear I could never prepare for—but that doesn't make the feeling of betrayal any less heavier. My family was taken away from me, and I wasn't the first one to know. Tobias was my safety. Now he is everything that I'm scared of in myself—untrustworthy and cowardly. My heart pounds with so many different shades of anger, I feel like collapsing.

But if I collapse, I'll do it in my own room.

After a long moment of silence, I wrap my hand around the door knob. My voice is thick.** "Goodbye...Four,**" I breathe bitterly. And with that, I open the door and sprint out.

* * *

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. _

_Two hours pass. _

_Six hours pass._

_Ten hours pass._

_Countless hours pass._

It feels like maybe a day since I've left my bed. Though it is clear that I'm in no shape to leave. Unlike my room back in Abnegation, there is a mirror that sits on the wall across from me, keeping my tear-streaked face fresh in my mind. I remember only a little more than a year ago, peering into the mirror as my mother ran her scissors through my hair, watching her smile at me in the reflection. Those days are far away. They are impossible to return to.

There are so many questions in my head. I was too overcome by anger to even think about them, but Tobias never did tell me where he went for his mission. And by what causes did my family die? Why did he kill them? And...how did they look when they were killed?

Shaking, I take two handfuls of my quilt and bring it over my head. I can't stand this. Why does emotional pain last so much longer physical pain? I could take a bullet to the leg and be just fine but this—this is so hard. I don't want to admit it. I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to be Dauntless. The initiation is happening in less than a couple days and I will have to be ready for when that comes.

That's it. I need to get out of here.

When I emerge from my room, I am immediately surrounded by the familiar, dark mustiness of the compound. The hallways are completely empty, the paths very dimly lit by small torches. It must be somewhere in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep. I tread slowly and quietly.

Even at this time of night, the train still travels around the city. I haven't hopped on one of them until tonight. The grass eventually scrunches under my feet and for the first time in a long time, I feel the night's cool breeze against my skin. The air around me is quiet, except for the sound of the train rattling near. Gradually I pick up speed, faster and faster as the train comes closer until finally, I throw myself into one of the cars. My foot gets caught on the ledge and I fall face flat against the rough wooden floor, forcing my body to scramble to security. I guess I'm still a little rusty.

I lean back against the wall, watching the Dauntless Headquarters become more and more distant until it's hidden behind some other building. The city is pitch black. I can finally breathe. Somehow, this feeling is liberating—I am not confined in the Dauntless headquarters. I am in the neutral zone, belonging to nowhere.

**"Hello."** A voice from the other side of the car startles me out of my wits. I jump up, sprawled against the wall. The voice belongs to a woman who is completely hidden in the shadows, which probably means she can't see me either.

Brave. Right. **"Hello?"** I answer back as sternly as I can.

A brief ray of moonlight reveals a gray, torn up skirt that swings wistfully at her ankles with the turn of the train. The woman coughs for a moment, before answering. "**You sound young.** **Are you factionless too?"**

What is a member of the factionless doing on a train at this time of night? I shake my head, then remember she can't see me.** "No. I'm Dauntless."**

**"Ah," **she says. I can hear the faint smile in her voice.** "I had a daughter who joined Dauntless."**

**"Is that so?" **I sit back down against the wall, scooting closer to the corner.

**"Yes, she was the light of my life. It was very unfortunate to see her go."**

**"I'm sure,"** I say quietly, feeling soothed by the gentleness in her voice. I wonder how my parents were when they saw that both their children had abandoned them. It brings a painful weight in my chest and suddenly my throat feels like it has a rock in it. Would I have been able to protect them if I didn't transfer? But I guess it doesn't matter now. They're dead.

We sit in silence for a while, listening to the train tremble under us.

**"She was so beautiful too,"** the woman mumbles. **"Not so much physically, but she had so much fire in her. I only got to see her once after she transferred." **Suddenly her voice cracks, and faint sobs begin to slip under her breath. She's crying.

I stutter, unsure of how to deal with a sobbing woman.** "She sounds like she would have fit in well with Dauntless."**

**"Oh yes. Her father couldn't see it, but I could. She belonged there, there's no doubt."**

Suddenly the moonlight illuminates the whole room. Only for a second, but enough to see that the woman is wearing all Abnegation clothing. The long-sleeved gray shirt with a long skirt and gray slippers. Her blonde hair is tangled, and her face is badly damaged with unattended wounds. I remember what Tobias said, that he had killed Abnegation people. This must be one of the survivors.

**"Your daughter...what was her name?" **

**"Her name?" **She repeats thickly. I hear her shift a little in the darkness.** "Her name was Beatrice. ****Beatrice Prior."**


	18. The Greenhouse

**GUESS WHO LITERALLY WORD VOMITED THIS CHAPTER IN ABOUT ONE AND A HALF HOURS**

**Sorry! I've been away on a camping trip, but jesus the reviews for that last chapter omfg I love you all I can't ahhhh it was like my dream to successfully end on a cliffhanger it is wonderful to know that I did it.**

* * *

Tears well up in my eyes and I blink them away quickly. There is something strong and heavy like a boulder in my chest, but I can't put a name on it. Happiness? Longing? Grief? It is like I am experiencing every emotion at once, so much I am everything and nothing at all.

"**Beatrice Prior…"** I whisper. The name sounds distant. **"I knew her once."** I don't know what I am saying. It is that thought that nudges at the back of your mind, wondering what people would say or do if you were dead. And pretending to be someone else in this moment is by far the most selfish thing I have ever done.

My mother's eyes light up in the darkness, sending a pinch of guilt into my side. **"Really? How was she?"** But her voice dies out just as fast, as if her excitement was self-indulgent. This is what happens after a year of being apart. She does not recognize my voice or my shape.

"**Yeah."** I pause to swallow the rock in my throat. **"She was…different from the other Dauntless. She was…" **_Divergent_, I want to say. Mom is factionless now, so what does it matter if I say it? Then I remember I am not Beatrice. I am not supposed to know. I search for another word. **"Happy."**

She sighs, laughing quietly. **"That's all I could ever ask for."**

I can't take this. Slowly, step by step, I walk towards her with arms outreached. I want to hug her. Anything to tell her that I am alive, that I am here. But when I come close enough to see her battered face, I am immediately taken over by another thought. **"What happened to you?" **I ask, crouching down next to her. Dried blood streaks down the side of her face. The area above her lips is splotched in blood. There are several deep, red lines in the grooves of her lips. But worst of all, she has a big gray cloth wrapped around her waist that is almost completely drenched in blood.

Don't tell me Tobias did this. I can't imagine it.

She smiles weakly at me. **"I'd prefer not to burden you with the truth."**

"**I don't care."**

Instead of answering, she sniffs and wipes a single tear from her eye. **"You are awfully kind to show concern. I don't remember Dauntless being so considerate."**

"**They aren't. But I've…" **Here we go. My chest squeezes and my breath becomes unsteady.** "I've missed you so much."**

"**Missed me? What do you—"**

"**Mom," **I say, my voice cracking.** "It's me. It's Beatrice." **

Suddenly all is still, and there is a long moment of silence.

Then carefully, she takes my face in her hands and leans in close, her wide eyes searching mine.** "Beatrice," **she whispers, trembling. **"Beatrice."**

"**I thought you were dead," **I whisper back.

"**Who told you that?"** She talks so softly, it hurts almost. Her fingers gently caress my cheeks.

I hesitate, unsure if I can tell her. Suddenly the train comes to a stop and I listen to the squelching wheels, echoes bouncing around the air.

"**This is my stop,"** she says quietly, letting go of me. I nod and help her to her feet. I'm not exactly sure what she means by this being her stop, with her being factionless, but I decide to follow her. It's not like I have anything better to do anyways. I remember Tobias' face, the hopelessness, how he didn't even try to stop me when I left.

As I step out of the train after my mom, I look to my left and right and see that not a ton, but a handful of Abnegation members file one by one out of the train cars, quickly huddling close together. They are factionless now. My mom takes my hand in hers and gently pulls me along with her into the huddle.

"**Is everyone here?"** I hear a loud voice say in the center. I recognize that voice. It belongs to one of my father's coworkers. Everyone looks around, before chanting "yes". I look around too, observing their battered clothing. Some clutch their legs or their arms, wounded. Others support their fellow members by hitching under their arm.

What in the world happened to these people?

"**We are almost there,"** the same guy say gently, turning towards some direction. The few faction members follow after him, walking in silence. I never thought I would be in this position again, here with Abnegation members. The symbol of Abnegation, with a hand grasping another, becomes very real to me now. I should feel cold and uncomfortable to be in this situation, but somehow I feel warm with motivation to help.

My dad's coworker stops in front of a door to one of the city's abandoned greenhouses. I remember it, vaguely, because I used to walk by it every day when I went to school. He knocks the Abnegation's infamous knock: two quick knocks, followed by gentle scratching. It makes absolutely no sense to me and I doubt to anyone else, but no one seems to be bothered. They are too occupied with their wounds to care.

The door barely opens and I see traces of lips peeking behind the crack. **"Alex?"**

"**Yes."** The man nods.

Suddenly, the door swings open and behind it reveals to be a tall woman with a gentle face and soft eyes. She looks familiar. Sort of. Not really. There is something familiar about her, but I can't put my finger on it. I hear a few gasps rise from our small band of Abnegation, but I don't understand why.

"**Is that her?"** someone nearby whispers.

"**I can't believe it,"** someone else whispers. **"She's really alive."**

I am confused, but I don't bother to ask anyone. The woman turns around to lead us deeper into the green house. The tables that would be holding the plants are shoved onto one half of the room, while a sea of damaged mattresses occupies the other. One boy is sleeping silently on one of the mattresses, using a big Dauntless jacket as a blanket. His pants are gray, but the shirt he wears is blue. Almost all the factionless here are the same with articles of clothing contrasting in their original faction. Another woman wears a Candor jacket over a black Dauntless tang-top and a skirt that I think could belong to Erudite.

"**I would like to talk to your leaders,"** the woman says. Two people emerge quietly from our group of ten Abnegation. One is my dad's coworker. One is…my dad.

I can't breathe. He's alive too. He's alive.

"**Everyone else may find a place to sleep. There are more than enough cushions and mattresses…if you can find them."** The woman says. Then she smiles wearily, turning away with our leaders.

My dad's eyes meet mine for a moment, but it is not longing or relief that flushes his face. It is absolute indifference. He looks away just as quickly, and I feel my heart plummet like a rock.

My mother answers before I can ask. **"Your father has been very…selfish since you and Caleb left."**

I furrow my brows.** "That's not possible."**

"**Isn't it?" **she says distantly.

I walk with her to one of the piles of clothing in the corner of the room. She grabs a blue dress and sets it down on one of the mattresses.

"**Mom,"** I say painfully. **"I don't think I can stay here." **If I am gone too long, and if Eric finds out I'm here, I might be charged with treason of some sort. With the whole "faction before blood" thing.

She looks disappointingly at me, then hugs me so tight I can barely breathe.

"**Beatrice," **she whispers.** "we missed you so much. We love you."** In this moment, I remember the mornings when we were still in Abnegation, living in peace. When I would listen to my mother whistle as she cleaned dishes while my father ran his hands through my hair as he read the morning newspaper.

There is only one person missing here. **"Where is Caleb?"**

"**I'm sure he's still with the Erudite."**

The Erudite are safe. I remember what Eric said, that we were using Erudite simulations. Somehow the Erudite are involved in this, and somehow, I feel like I don't need to go searching for answers. They will come to me soon.

* * *

I stand close to the opening in the train car, feeling the wind whip my hair around, listening to the roar as the city passes by. The very small hints of the morning peek out over the horizon and I groan. I guess I'm not sleeping today. I notice however that Dauntless Headquarters is approaching and I brace myself, ready to jump.

I fling myself forward into the air and curl up, rolling onto the grass.

The compound is still dark. As I walk through the hallways, I realize I have already walked past my room. Though before I turn around, I decide I will go somewhere else first. I will visit Tobias.


End file.
